Decidedly Obscure Human Complaints.

I tried to make a little webcam vlog shindig via my blatantly super enthusiastic voice — but, alas, something went amiss and the audio isn’t being captured. wonk wonk. Which means — I’ll blog it! … for now . I want to make a giddy vlog about this, too, damnit. In the meantime… I just made my final payment for surgery. It is now paid for and the way swell “receptionist” ( This is entirely surreal. To actually have it paid for and to know, for sure, this is happening. I can’t thank everyone enough who has donated, helped with my fund-raiser, and supported me throughout all of this. If I could cry (I haven’t once since transitioning - wtf!), I would. ;)

I just finished presenting my summer research project at the McNair Scholars Symposium today! I got to wear a fo’ real real suit for the first time ever! It’s astounding how many times one gets called “handsome” in a suit versus basketball shorts. Bah. Then on to Berkeley next week to present again (and then surgery!!). Almost… done… relief… so, close… :)

is in 15 days !

My apologies in advance for this boring post - but school right now. Seriously. As a McNair Scholar , most of my time these past two months has been spent with a research group following adolescents around in a park with a clipboard coding for instances of aggression. Now that we’re finished with that creeper good time, this week things got real. Hence less blogging fun happy time. Starting next Monday, my group and I will be spending 8 hours a day for three days in a row presenting our research over and over… and over… where it (and our presentation styles) will be thoroughly critiqued by our super McNair-lovin’ faculty. But, I absolutely fear public speaking. Due to this, I have spent the majority of my years avoiding things like, uh, presenting — at all costs. But in academia land, I've learned something very important: There is no escape. Aside from whining, this really is an amazing opportunity that will help me in the long-run. I’m crossing my fingers that this w...

Just made my $600 second-to-last payment for my surgery! Let me reiterate: second to last . As in, my LAST payment for my surgery that is REALLY happening. I only have 299 dollars remaining until my surgery is paid for. I can’t believe that I’m this close. I remember not too long ago staring down the barrel of $6,000-$8,000 surgery, plus cost of board and travel. It just seemed, insurmountable to me. But through the discovery of a local surgeon and from all of the broke ass student saving up and support I’ve received, it’s really happening. I’m really $299 and 27 days away from a surgery that will positively alter my self-esteem - my life - in ways that I’ve never experienced and can barely imagine. Wow. I would like to extend my sincerest gratitude to everyone who has helped me get to this point. All of the enthusiasm, solidarity, and support has been indescribably touching, inspiring, and… just, thank you!!

This site is “dedicated to raising funds for surgeries necessary for Carter’s transition” - an FTM graduate student lacking mula and the support of his parents. His friends created this site to help him and have included a donate button, bracelets for sell, and even better - they’ve designed a series of mega-epic t-shirts (with more designs to come). The highlights: The cute factor of this slays me. How wily! This is, by far, one of the most adorably impressive trans fund-raisers I’ve ever stumbled across. Even though I’m hoarding all of my pennies for my very own surgery in 28 days !!!!!!, I had to contribute. I’ll try to abstain from such things until after my own freakin’ surgery. Irresistible, though. SUPPORT!

Today marks the beginning of my 1 month countdown to top surgery on August 11th. I need to get one of those little Christmas “advent” calendars with doors in it that I can open every day to retrieve a celebratory getting-closer treat! Less like this: And more like this: … but with deliciously crack-like Coconut Juices within instead of beer. I can’t believe that this surgery, which I’ve wanted for as long as I can remember, is actually, fo’ real real and not fo’ play play, only one month away . I’ve never experienced this kind of anticipation and excitement before and just… the reality of it hasn’t quite sunken in yet. It’s just, so unreal. And riveting. And indescribable. p O p!

I just can’t stop obsessing about my top surgery scheduled for August 11th . I just can’t. I’m trapped in a land of fantasy and anticipation. Every time I bicycle, I imagine how wonderful it’s going to feel to do so without a binder - to feel the wind against my skin. Swooooosh. I imagine going on hikes where I can breathe and my body can evaporate the heat. I imagine rain on my chest, going swimming, being able to go to the gym, not experiencing horrible acid reflux on a daily basis … but, most importantly, especially given the inevitable and relentless “side effects” of T? Getting my self-esteem put back together again. I know that surgery isn’t going to be a catch-all. A lot of emotional damage has come from living with such severe dysphoria for such a long ol’ time. But it’s, for sure, 87.4% closer. Which is close , if I do say so myself!

My apologies in advance for the pretty much inevitable fact that 99.2% of my blogging from now on up until August 11th is going to be related to my upcoming top surgery. You have been forewarned. I’ve been waiting for this for so.long. For some time there, it felt unattainable. Every time I’d get close, something would come along to thwart my progress. But this time around and with all of the support I’ve received from my friends and loved ones to make this happen? No thwarting! It’s happening ! Fo’ real real and not fo’ in my head play play! So, throughout this whole enthused about surgery shindig, I haven’t ever really disclosed the details of the specific procedure I’m bound for - the “ double incision mastectomy ”. With this method, incisions are made horizontally across each breast below the nipple: The skin is then peeled back so that the mammary glands and fatty tissue can be removed with a scalpel. scrape scrape scrape . Once the breast tissue has been scooped out, the...

So today is Day 1 of this “Be a Better Man in 30 Days” ridonkulous quest Aaron convinced me to join him on. Of course, I couldn’t resist. So here goes the first day of my “journey to becoming a better man!” The task of the day? Define my core values stemming from the question: “What’s truly important to me as a man?” I’m supposed to come up with five of these little suckers after weeding and prioritizing. So now, per The Art of Manliness instruction, I will turn my dopamine-inducing bounce house dancy music off and will spend the next 5 minutes in silence, pondering and jotting with a pen upon pad whatever comes to me. [[[[5 minutes later]]]] Dexter’s Core Values Compassion Empathy Non-Violence Honesty Sex Growth Happiness Fin! Whoa, feeling more manly already… ?

By the way, I loved Harvey Katz (aka “Athens Boys Choir”) at Mestizo Cafe last night. He bounced back and forth between spoken word poetry and songs like Tranny Got Pack and Fagette. Lots o’ gaggle o’ faggle fun, for sure. My friend, Aaron, arrived with a finger puppet he’s named “Pirate Pete” who he has since created a Facebook fan page for to fill with mountains of beyond worthless Pirate Pete adventure photos. Oy. On another beyond worthless Aaron-related note, he has asked me to join him on a ridonkulous “Be a Better Man in 30 Days” excursion, created by this Art of Manliness blog . Wow. Of course - I can’t resist. We start tomorrow.

Impulse buy for my mother from my excursion to Farmers Market yesterday: This was my first chance to go to the Farmers Market this summer and it was a lot of fun. And I just couldn’t resist splurging on this little guy who had mother written all over him. He is now known as Sammy. Yesterday I got to peruse the market with my friend, Rachael, who beelined to every jewelry shack on the block - which was, literally, probably every 2nd or 3rd vendor cart. In years past I’d had absolutely no idea there were so many jewelry vendors. I was aghast. The closest I’d ever get to noticing jewelry otherwise is if someone had stuck Sammy (above) on a necklace. Which, by the way, would be an incredible necklace. Ooo, tonight, Athens Boys Choir (i.e. trans dude named Katz) is touring through Salt Lake City again! I’m excited and shall blog about it after. In other news, guess who has surgery next month, AUGUST 11TH ??? I’m so excited it pains me.