Decidedly Obscure Human Complaints.

I didn’t notice this until earlier today when I removed the compression vest to finally get cleaned up - but I have lacerations on both sides from wearing the vest for 6 days. Why I didn’t feel these, I don’t know. Pain killers initially - but I stopped taking them Tuesday. The moral of this story? Leaving my vest on for 6 days was entirely worth these lacerations, which require less help healing than my chest and nipple grafts. But definitely something to watch for with anyone reading who may be having a similar surgery in the future. My compression vest has been washed and is now hanging up to dry while I relax in the front room with my mom. Topless. Lacerations, bruising, swelling, stitches, and nipple grafts gots NOTHIN’ on how absolutely comfortable and relieving this feels. I still can’t believe that this has happened. The reality is setting in little by little and I love it. My mom put some Neosporin and bandages on the lacerations. We also removed the bandages from th...

My father just spontaneously transferred some photos from a USB stick of his on to my netbook. Photos from Thursday and Friday - none of which I remember. Well, except for this first one. This one I remember. Pre-Op, in the waiting room with my parents. Getting poked with my first intravenous drip ever was the scariest part. The first attempt in my hand didn’t work out, due to some valve don’t-wanna situation going on. Fortunately, Nurse Arlene was super distracting and comforting as she poked me in my left arm instead. I do not remember this one. At all. First Post-op Picture EVER! Where’d ma boobies go??? My earliest memory was of Nurse Arlene (above) giving me a popcicle. And of almost vomiting on the car ride home after I’d pleaded for my father to pull over for coffee. The next day at home. Or that night. Not sure. Also don’t remember this one - but Gany is super concerned. “Wazzup with Uncle Dexter? Will he empty those drains into my food bowl if I sit here ...

My apologies in advance for the pretty much inevitable fact that 99.2% of my blogging from now on up until August 11th is going to be related to my upcoming top surgery. You have been forewarned. I’ve been waiting for this for so.long. For some time there, it felt unattainable. Every time I’d get close, something would come along to thwart my progress. But this time around and with all of the support I’ve received from my friends and loved ones to make this happen? No thwarting! It’s happening ! Fo’ real real and not fo’ in my head play play! So, throughout this whole enthused about surgery shindig, I haven’t ever really disclosed the details of the specific procedure I’m bound for - the “ double incision mastectomy ”. With this method, incisions are made horizontally across each breast below the nipple: The skin is then peeled back so that the mammary glands and fatty tissue can be removed with a scalpel. scrape scrape scrape . Once the breast tissue has been scooped out, the...

Over these past couple of years I have been through a binder or two , and, while all of them are uncomfortable awful acid-reflux-inducing pain-in-the-lower-backs, eventually I stumbled across the Underwork's Double Front Compression Shirt (Model 997) and have since become ridiculously fond of it. Ever since I started wearing it last June I have literally worn it every day since . Even though it's comfortable in comparison to the other binders I have, if worn for longer than 6 hours it will start to cause acid reflux and my shoulders/upper-back start to really ache. After longer than 10 hours, I will literally start to feel sick - so I started to wear it in classes and then, while wearing a baggy jacket, will switch to the T-Kingdom M801 for a chest break'ish. This system has been a flawless one - up until Monday morning, when I couldn't find the 997 binder for the life of me. Dun dun dun! Now that I hate my other two binders (which are just ridiculous awful and...

Earlier today I made a very exciting phone call. Wait for it... wait for it... ... for a consultation with the top surgeon here in Utah. Wooooo! I learned about her through word-of-mouth at the Trans Action conference in November from other guys showing off their chests and rambling on about how great she is. I've been giddy and prepping for it ever since. During the consultation I want to a.) get a quote on how much my surgery will cost and b.) figure out payment options. I have around $2,000 so far (90% of this from donations - thank you everyone! ) to use as a down payment, if possible. If not, I will at least have a (presumably) much smaller amount to continue saving up towards than the initial fly-to-Florida for a $5500 surgery + figuring out a place to stay & food for a week, plane ticket costs, covering the costs for a friend to come play care-taker, etc., plan. Having a surgeon located so close makes the whole thing much more attainable. If I'm lucky ...

I was fortunate enough to land a student job at my school, but have experienced a technical difficulty with the paperwork after my soon-to-be employers called  The Social Security Administration (SSA). On my first day I was told to visit the campus Human Resources (HR) department to fill out paperwork in order to be officially employed. I did so and the next day I received an e-mail requesting that I return to the HR office to discuss some things. Hrm. I was informed that part of the employee verification process is done through a system called  E-Verify, which apparently involves my social security number. The results said that my number is real, but that the information provided it isn't matching up. The HR employee was clearly baffled and admitted that this was the first time they'd had E-Verify reject a social security number. I told her that I had my name legally changed recently and maybe it wasn't updated yet in the social security database. She provided ...

Today was my second day of classes, which all went well. I bicycled in the morning with my dad, which is a surprisingly fast method of transportation. For some magical reason, everything seems faster in peddle land than automobile-ville. It's a 30 minute bicycle ride that just, flies by. Unfortunately, wearing a binder while wearing a heavy backpack and sweating profusely for 30 minutes is not a good time. But I have developed a solution. Sort of. I put my bicycle outfit together last night, which consists of my loose jersey , my T-Kingdom 801 zip-up binder , and some light Underworks shorts. Then I made sure to start bicycling early enough this morning that it's nice and cool out and we have time to stop by a cafe before class. Here, I can use the cafe's single stall restroom to change out of my wet, uncomfortable binder and into a dry binder, shirt, and shorts. With all of that binder-swap prepping under my belt, my first class was Art History. Right when I walked i...

Time to whine and moan a little bit. About  100 degree summer heat combined with binding . It's so miserable. I have been wearing the Underwork's Double Front Compression Shirt (Model 997) as my primary summer binder. It's comfortable and it binds well enough without restricting my breathing too terribly. And I can wear it with my lightest, transparent white shirts. But, because it covers my stomach and my chest, the skin underneath doesn't get a lot of air - which is particularly important for bicycling. On occasion I'll wear the zip-up T-Kingdom 801 , which is a very loose binder. But because it doesn't bind as well, I have to wear a loose button-up or t-shirt over it. As the day progresses the T-Kingdom 801 gets looser and binds less and less effectively, so I generally end up switching between the two. The 801 to bicycle in and then the 997 when I get to my destination. The other ones I own are just, too miserable in the heat. The other night I atte...

My last post now leads to a review for the binder I wore on my trip and have been wearing continuously (and washing - don't fret!) these past few weeks: the Underwork's Double Front Compression Shirt (Model 997) in size large. I chose to wear it on my camping trip to the desert because I knew that a.) it's the least hot due to not double-binding and b.) I can most comfortably wear my smallest/lightest shirts in it because it binds tight enough solo. I initially purchased it in XL , tried it on, and sent it back for L . When I tried L on for the first time, it felt too tight. I wasn't able to put it on like a shirt, and instead had to step into it and lift it up. And now, just a few weeks later and even after washing, it's snug, fits well, and I can put it on like a shirt. It's, by far, my favorite binder. I like it so much that I have a hard time not wearing it every.single.day and leaving my other binders on their hangers to gather lint and dust. ...

I spent the weekend basking in the land of Goblins! A land with a lot of sand, sun, campers, 4-wheelers, and Memorial Weekend visitors. So many that, while reading in my tent, about five 4-wheelers in a row would come roaring past about four feet away. Repeatedly. I would also like to note that one driver had an infant strapped to her chest. I have never, ever gone camping on Memorial Weekend before. It has always meant LOTS OF PEOPLE ALL CAMPING AT THE SAME TIME - and, for me, I love camping to, well, get away from lots of people. This land of goblins is named, appropriately enough, Goblin Valley. And here's what it looks like: It's beautiful. But without an air-conditioned car and water, I think I'd last about a day. This Valley is so neat. Camping in it gave me heat stroke because I'm a pale American of Welsh decent who isn't built for the desert - but, despite all of my desert-everyone-else-is-in-air-conditioned-campers-while-we're-actually-in-a-t...

About four years ago I traveled to New York City for a conference where I knew that I had to do the following things: Go on an edible wild foods tour through Central Park with Wild Man Steve Brill (who was arrested for foraging back in the day) See the Museum of Sex Eat lots of vegan food See Cazwell - a "homo-hop" artist who frequently collaborates with trans performer  Amanda Lepore I accomplished all of the above minus a Cazwell fix. Why? His show was all booked. A little about my beloved homo hop artist - from Wikipedia , During the summer of 2007, Cazwell was a part of the multi-artist True Colors Tour, which traveled through 15 cities in North America. The tour, sponsored by LOGO, was hosted by comedian Margaret Cho and headlined by Cyndi Lauper and included Rufus Wainwright, The Dresden Dolls, Rosie O'Donnell, Indigo Girls, Stephen Reed and other special guests. Profits from the tour helped to benefit LGBT organizations Human Rights Campaign, PFLAG and...

It's about time for a binder review now that I've blown through a few or two with my sweaty binder obliterating bicycling from here to there and back around again lifestyle. So, to start with, I'm not large chested; but I'm not super small chested, either. I'm also a larger guy at 5'11'' and 200lbs - which meant that I learned fast that T-Kingdom (a Taiwanese company) binders were definitely made for MUCH smaller dudes. For shipping and sizing, Underworks has always been spot on when it comes to shipping stuff fast and also with item returns. Twice now I've ordered a binder and, once received, tried it on to learn that it was either too small or too large. Then I'd put the product back in its packaging, throw the receipt in with my corrections scribbled on it, mail it back and they swiftly send another in the correct size. No question. Here's my 2 cents on binders I've tried, most excellent to most lame: T-Kingdom M801 : This...

Binders are really not fun. Especially if one bicycles and perspires a lot. Which results in becoming an itchy, uncomfortable mess prone to rashes. And I can't wait to rip it off as soon as possible to let my skin breathe and to cool down. But I did find a potential solution to make binding-while-active more bearable. To combine binders. Once upon a time, I accidentally ordered the Extreme Chest Concealer FTM Chest Binder in the wrong size - one size up from what I should be wearing. But I decided to use it anyway. Instead of binding as tightly as it should, it binded enough while also not restricting my breathing or comfort all that much. Which makes it perfect for bicycling, wearing in a movie theater, etc. And to add some extra binding I combined it with my T-Kingdom 801 zip-up binder . For instance, if I'm at a movie theater I can unzip the 801 to breathe a little better and to sit more comfortably. But as soon as it's over and the lights are on, I can zi...

Last Saturday  Athens Boys Choir - a trans spoken word artist named Harvey Katz - performed in Salt Lake City at an independent cafe located in a low-income area of the city. I grew up in that area and hadn't been there for quite some after I moved out. I was very pleasantly surprised by how vegan-friendly and cozy this Mestizo Cafe is. I'm a fan. It also helped that the place was packed with gender variance and transtastic'ness galore. Harvey Katz was excellent. He did his spoken word thang, then his singing song let's dance thang. During the spoken word portion I was caught off guard slightly by the audience finger snapping during certain parts or bursting out with "Mmmms!". It was distracting, but apparently a thing that happens at spoken word events. I know, because I did a quick Google search on it after the event. And I found that I'm not alone. After one person asked on a forum why people snap during poetry sessions, members responded: ...

My M1700 binder came from T-Kingdom today! I ordered it last Thursday , so it came pretty quick. Review time, cha cha cha! I pranced upstairs after signing for it and put it on right away. It's binding efficiently! Definitely moreso than the M1980 and the M801 - the two binders I currently own . The M1700 binder came right in the knick of time. I can't find the zip-up M801 for the life of me and, when I said the M1980 was "obliterated", I wasn't selling its condition short. It could only get worse if I hacked it up into little bits with scissors, lit it on fire, or, the ultimate of ultimate fates, left it near the litter box. In Comparison to M1980 After experiencing the bliss of putting on the M1700 , I now realize that the M1980 is actually really uncomfortable. Maybe it's just my height (5'11''), but from day one it just hasn't fit quite right. When I first received it, the lower half was elastic and tight and, as I'd...

I just ordered the Model 1700 Breast Binder from T-Kingdom . I can't really afford it, but I NEED a new binder. Apparently car-free lifestyle is brutal on poor binders. I have two currently - the Model 801 and the Model 1980 , which I got back in January . Since then and especially with the desert I'm living in warming up (i.e. unable to layer), I've learned that I generally need to use both binders; unless I'm wearing a pretty loose-fitting shirt. When I use both binders, I put the M1980 on first then the M801 over it. Binding with both royally sucks when bicycling. Sweat. Heat. Can't breathe. Itch. The second I get home I rip them off, wipe my sweat off, toss them in the wash, and throw on a t-shirt. The poor M1980 is obliterated at this point. After tucking it into my shorts a million times, a few tears formed at the base. In no time at all these tears turned into the entire left back side ripping, bit by bit. It still works, but it's all scuffed up ...

A few weeks ago my grandpa called and invited me to play on the extended family softball team. I've felt a little nervous in regards to writing about extended family, but I'm going to convey my perceptions and feelings as clearly as I can, while respecting anonymity! I've mentioned my cute little ol' grandparents here a few times - about how they're both refreshingly supportive of me, especially given the generational barriers between us. My cousins n' aunts n' uncles n' whatnot have also been good, in general, when it comes to being friendly and respectful towards me and my partners. I don't get to interact with them all too often and when I do it's usually maybe a few times a year around the holidays. They interact with one another a great deal, however - presumably due to having more in common (most are married, have children, etc.) All n' all, I feel super uber fortunate to have the support and acceptance that I DO have. It's es...

Lots of queer softball, job hunting, packing, and gender pronoun mishaps galore. I will be moving this Wednesday into my 3 bedroom duplex pimp pad where I can live out the American dream of having half a backyard to BBQ in. Queer softball has been difficult. I mentioned that I'd been roped into joining a gaggle o' faggle softball league a few weeks ago in a previous post , where I also stumbled across a predicament in regards to binding that has prevented me from participating in sports ever since being a tweeny bop high schooler. The whole scenario of running around with breasts that my brain isn't connected to is incredibly awkward, uncomfortable, and upsetting. It's a definite trigger for feeling the umph! of that disconnect (aside from intimate relationships), where the mental/physical mismatch is incredibly difficult to ignore. I've been to a few practices so far and one glorious game where the final score was 34 to 3 (we got the 3). I tried loosely bind...