Decidedly Obscure Human Complaints.

Lots of queer softball, job hunting, packing, and gender pronoun mishaps galore. I will be moving this Wednesday into my 3 bedroom duplex pimp pad where I can live out the American dream of having half a backyard to BBQ in. Queer softball has been difficult. I mentioned that I'd been roped into joining a gaggle o' faggle softball league a few weeks ago in a previous post , where I also stumbled across a predicament in regards to binding that has prevented me from participating in sports ever since being a tweeny bop high schooler. The whole scenario of running around with breasts that my brain isn't connected to is incredibly awkward, uncomfortable, and upsetting. It's a definite trigger for feeling the umph! of that disconnect (aside from intimate relationships), where the mental/physical mismatch is incredibly difficult to ignore. I've been to a few practices so far and one glorious game where the final score was 34 to 3 (we got the 3). I tried loosely bind

Gadz, it's been an entire week since my last post. This month has been hectic with all the unemployment/moving shenanigans afoot. Not to mention my Internet access has been unreliable and brief when I have it. I'm also due for another awkward photo documentation, which will have to wait until I find my camera battery and get that sucker recharged. Soon, soon! I have some pretty dapper whisker growth going on that I'm excited to show off in all its action-packed scattered and subtle glory. It's actually visible (gasp)! So visible that I tried.tried.tried to hold on to it for as long as I could muster but HAD to shave when I just couldn't take it anymore. I was a trooper and held out for a bit there so I could photo document - but like I said, I haven't been able to find my camera battery amongst the scatter of cardboard boxes and piles o' crap to put on freecycle/donate/free box. It's really a wonder how much one accumulates living somewhere. I re

That last post was dramatic. I even went to the extent of pointing out that I was on a faint, nearby wireless connection and that there was a snow storm outside. On the less embarrassing plus side, it wasn't as dramatic as it could've been. I mean, I very well could have written a dreary gothic poem from the depths of my sorrow-filled soul. if pain was gold in wealth i'd lie my heart's so cold "it aches" i cry if life was air in you i'd breathe if life was fair you'd never leave down sorrow's path my soul has crept a lonely half in rains i've wept --anonymous gothic poet Yep. Could've been worse. Not to slam on gothic. I <3 are="" br="" darkness="" gothic.="" gothic="" just="" know="" more="" of="" others.="" outer="" palatable="" shades="" some="" than="" you="&qu

Be forewarned, this is a whimpery brief post, sent via a faint nearby wireless connection while a freezing cold snow storm out of nowhere rages on outside (sense the tone of gloom and doom yet?). In a nutshell, today - well, ... sucks . The biggest suck factor stemming from being told that severance would come knocking either Monday, Tuesday of this week or - at the latest - today. Unfortunately, I haven't received it yet, which I've been depending on to be able to afford hormones. My next injection is supposed to be tomorrow. Yet, I'm anxious about if I'm going to be able to or not. I also haven't received any information from COBRA about insurance, so I have no idea how much hormones will cost being uninsured. Sigh . There's more to whine and whimper about in regards to snags with receiving unemployment, a disconnected phone, moving, uneventful job or apartment hunting, and feeling pathetic all around. Which then leads to letting more get to me that I

A couple of weeks ago I decided to start attending a different trans group - one for "adults" instead of "youth". In the youth group, there were others who were around my same age and who I related to extremely well. Yet, my age was up at the tip of the elderly ice berg. Even though I related to others in their 20s, there were other participants who were just little boppers in high school, with experiences that differ a great deal from mine. And I'm a big boy now. Moving from diapers to underroos', into an entirely new world of canes and dentures, back problems and aching bones. And, with that, I decided to pack up shop and frolic over to the adult group. Well, as fast as an elder can frolic, that is. More like hobbled. This wasn't easy, not just from the slow pace of hobbling, but also due to what feels like a huge generational gap between the experiences trans youth have today in contrast to what trans adults experienced 20, 30+ years ago. Simp

When I called to make an appointment with my doctor last week I was told that I could make one sooner with her "assistant" or could wait x amount of time to make one with her. I opted for the sooner appointment to make super duper sure I'd have my prescription in time for my next injection - Thursday, the 16th. I was a little anxious about the prospect of seeing someone new, but felt comfort in the fact that he's someone my main doctor chose and, so I figgered, must be trans-friendly. Not only was he above and beyond friendly, but he was also packed full of oodles of enthusiasm to learn and help. I think this feller just might be my new main doctor, if possible. I've thought a great deal about a comment that raedances posted in response to my last doctor trip : For as much as she's supposed to be the "open minded" doctor, it sounds like she's actually just created another little narrow minded box labeled "transgendered" and is

I swear that insects seem to have a conveniently timed vendetta against me. First off, that bizarre infected potential spider bite shindig is still on my leg, getting better, bit by taking.its.sweet.time bit. Then, the other day I was peddling along under a sunshiny blue sky, when THUD! something whacked into my arm and ricocheted into my chest. Immediately my arm started to throb and sting, so I pulled over to inspect - where I discovered what appeared to be something small embedded in there that had started to irritate the skin around it. What the frakking jebus , I thought. Was I just stung by a bee, or what? , which then led to feeling that the poor bee got the short end of the stick. In less than three hours the area had sealed up, turned red, and started to swell and itch. Then after a meeting yesterday people commented that my bloated arm had distracted them and one suggested that I cake the area with mud to suck whatever is in there out, then soak a cotton ball in hydr

With my thigh splurting out blood after injecting last Thursday and blog whining about it, my friend, Erin, did some research. According to Erin's quick wit and research prowess, it's likely that there's no longer enough fat tissue in my thigh and the needle is going in too deep. Sounds plausible enough to me. Doesn't provoke vigorous skeptic flag waving. Which then means that it seems as though the time has come where I may have to start injecting into my bum. Ugh. Inject into my bum? After I finally got used to thigh injecting? Bah! I found a forum where an individual posted the following question, " I typically inject in my thigh, but how would you go about self-injecting in your rear? It would seem to be a bit awkward. " My thoughts exactly. One response was incredibly insightful: " Man you should have named this Thread .. HOW TO TAKE IT IN THE BUTT .. OK maybe you shouldn't have, just thought that was funny. I will go take a shower

Good news about insurance! There's a cheaper plan that's around $250 I can opt for, and in a couple of months it will be 30% less than that. Plus I'm receiving a small amount of severance, which will also help. But! Partially bad news about hormones. I thought I had enough left for today's injection and the next one in 2 weeks but, low and behold, today was the last of it. Every little drop now floating around in my muscle tissue. I'll call my doctor in a bit today to make an insurance-less appointment since, well, I'm in a time crunch between needing a new prescription and not receiving info from Cobra just yet. Hopefully by the time I actually have my appointment the Cobra shindig will be resolved. I have also applied for unemployment, but I haven't heard anything on that just yet. Speaking of my injection, today it was a little concerning. I slid the needle into my left thigh then sucked up a bit to make sure that I didn't hit a vein and no