Summer Binding n' Pimplies

My massage last Friday was so.very.blissful. It went on for two whole hours. Afterward I was dehydrated to all hell and felt like I was on a muscle relaxed little floaty cloud. My gives-the-best-massages friend gave me a glass of water, then I floated off yonder to a local queer club where "femme women dress up as butch and compete". Femme? What? Where? I'm in.

Anyhoo, the most recent post over at The Vegan Lunch Box was a little hope-inducing in regards to my puberty-ridden acne and backne development. The author's little son, Schmoo, has finally hit his preteens, which led her to blog the following:

I've dealt with acne my entire adult life (they all told me I'd grow out of it, the liars). And although acne has been linked to milk and dairy products in several studies, going vegan did not clear up my skin at all.

Of course, although it didn't contain dairy, my early vegan diet did include daily servings of things like soda, chips, candy, and french fries.

When I learned about nutrient-density and started following Eat To Live, things changed. I cleared sugar, white flour, and oil out of my diet and added more fruits and vegetables, and within two to three weeks my acne had disappeared. At first I didn't know what to make of it. Each morning I would stare intently into the bathroom mirror, ready to do battle with my face, and would find that I had nothing to fight. I would stand back and gape at myself. No zits!

Sold.

I'm getting that book post haste! It might also help with my hairy belly action. I'd be more skeptical, but I already think the author is a bad ass and well established.

So today I'm wearing the M1980 binder from T-Kingdom. When I last mentioned this binder I'd just purchased it and ranted on,

This one is either the right size and far more uncomfortable than the M801 since it fits over the entire torso, or it's too tight and I need the XXL. I'm sending it back for the XXL either way. I do like that it seems to bind a bit better than the M801 and also compresses the rest of my torso. It's also MUCH better than the M801 in regards to wearing a white button-up shirt, since it's partially see-through. It just looks like an undershirt, no zipper.

I didn't end up sending it back. Instead, I learned that the discomfort stemmed from never, ever binding before. Now I can wear it and it's actually "broken in" and entirely comfortable. There are a couple of cons, however. One being that it hikes up when I walk around. Hudson's Guide suggests:

"You might find that the binder you choose will tend to roll up in certain areas, particularly around the waist. If this is a problem for you, try sewing an extra length of fabric all the way around the bottom of the binder, and tuck that extra material snugly into your pants."

Boo ya! Genius! Unless, um... one can't sew. Back up plan: find a pal who can actually sew and put effort into looking pathetic and desperate enough. Cha ching. I could always learn but, for some of us, such things don't come naturally. Trust me. A sewing class I once took in junior high comes to mind...

Another con is that, in contrast to the M801 binder that has a zipper, I can't unzip it and take a break at any point, like when I want to bicycle. Once it's on for the day, it's on.

Speaking of binding, I'm a little anxious about it now that the snow around me is rapidly melting away. This will be my first summer binding. The thing is, I only want to bind tight enough that the jiggling jiggle doesn't bother me and to create an aesthetic that's physiologically comforting enough when I look in the mirror.

I don't necessarily desire a 'male-appearing' chest at the expense of being able to breathe well and go around comfortably, or even to 'pass' as a 'male'. Just to be at ease enough with my own image in a mirror until I've saved up enough for my chest reconstruction surgery.

Despite what I want, however, I anticipate developing an increased interest in actually binding tighter for a 'male-appearing' chest, especially to continue using public mens restrooms. So far I've had the luxury to be able to evade binding all that much due to the luxury of layers and hoodies. When it's just a t-shirt, though, my concern about perception and safety thickens. According to the Gender Centre Inc., fact sheet (PDF), for example:

"The biggest obstacle for an F.T.M. is usually hiding the breasts. However, this is absolutely necessary. Far too many F.T.M.s have been humiliated, harassed, and even beaten up for walking into the men's room because their chests gave them away. This harassment is not exclusive to the bathroom situation."

Mainstream society is notorious for its violence toward anyone presenting a conflicting image, period. Boo.