These past couple days have been emotionally taxing. Especially because today is injection day and my hormone levels have been extremely low.
I may need to ask my doctor about what to do about this. I inject every 2 weeks. I'm fine for about 11 days - but, by days 12 and 13, I'm not doing so good. I'm foggy, lethargic, sensitive, moody. I wish there was a way to administer a small dose on a daily basis, rather than a huge dump on one day that tapers off until I inject again.
Transdermal testosterone is applied to the skin daily, but I'm not sure it's a viable option for me. I'll ask my doctor about it. For now, through the online grapevine I've read that changes via transdermal testosterone are slower. Which is fine for me, if it means that I don't end up feeling so awful every 2 weeks.
According to Hudson's FTM Guide:
As I predicted, it's becoming more and more difficult to think about NOT taking testosterone at some point. My initial plan in December was to take testosterone for approximately 4-5 years, long enough to garner as possible in the secondary sex characteristics department - facial hair, body hair, voice change. And then move on and do my best to cope a menstrual cycle kicking back into action, yearly pap smears, and so on.
I knew that it would get more difficult, especially after tasting what it feels like to connect more and more with myself every single day. In ways that I've never been able to experience before.
The soothing relief of just experiencing my brain-map connect with my body, more and more, bit by bit, is a state of existence that most people seemingly take for granted. For me, transitioning has nothing to do with attractiveness, how people perceive me, how I'm interacted with - it has everything to do with just, simply, fusing this disconnect.
It's so transtastic that I'm strongly considering staying on hormone therapy for the long haul. If so, that may require finding a way to access a hysterectomy and oophorectomy, given my concerns about the long-term health implications of hormone therapy on ovaries/uterus.
When I started this, I'd decided to do as little as possible to get as much as possible, in order to bridge the gap between my mind and body. To compromise. And to just get my brain-map and anatomy to meet in the middle, hug, and agree to disagree.
But for the first time in my life, I'm experiencing a connection between brain and body that I've never had before. It's so indescribably soothing. I'm able to actually look at myself in the mirror unclothed. It's still uncomfortable and disconnected since I haven't had surgery, but not so much so that I can't even look.
I'll figure this out.
So my dad called the other night about a documentary he and my mom were watching about a transsexual woman on NBC Prime Time. Family secrets, something something. I want to find it and watch it, but I'm not sure what the program was called. Anyone know? Probe probe.
I may need to ask my doctor about what to do about this. I inject every 2 weeks. I'm fine for about 11 days - but, by days 12 and 13, I'm not doing so good. I'm foggy, lethargic, sensitive, moody. I wish there was a way to administer a small dose on a daily basis, rather than a huge dump on one day that tapers off until I inject again.
Transdermal testosterone is applied to the skin daily, but I'm not sure it's a viable option for me. I'll ask my doctor about it. For now, through the online grapevine I've read that changes via transdermal testosterone are slower. Which is fine for me, if it means that I don't end up feeling so awful every 2 weeks.
According to Hudson's FTM Guide:
Transdermal testosterone is usually applied to the skin daily in small doses in an effort to keep a steady level of testosterone in the system at all times. This approach avoids the "peaks and valleys" in T-levels sometimes associated with injectable testosterone. With injectables, T levels can reach a low-point a few days before the next shot is due, which can cause irritability, hot flashes, and low energy in some users. Daily transdermal application can help alleviate such problems. Indeed, some trans men who regularly use injectable testosterone sometimes supplement with a gel or patch during the last few days of their dosing cycle to maintain their T levels.The 5 Year Plan, Crumbling
Transdermal application is also attractive to those individuals who are not comfortable with needles and injections.
However, there are some disadvantages to transdermal delivery. Some forms of daily transdermal testosterone application, particularly the patch, are substantially more expensive than injectable testosterone. Testosterone patches often cause skin irritation and/or allergic reactions to users. They can fall off with excessive sweating, and they must be fully protected with plastic when swimming. Testosterone cream and gel can be transferred by direct skin contact with a partner; special care must be taken with female partners who wish to avoid potential virilization.
As I predicted, it's becoming more and more difficult to think about NOT taking testosterone at some point. My initial plan in December was to take testosterone for approximately 4-5 years, long enough to garner as possible in the secondary sex characteristics department - facial hair, body hair, voice change. And then move on and do my best to cope a menstrual cycle kicking back into action, yearly pap smears, and so on.
I knew that it would get more difficult, especially after tasting what it feels like to connect more and more with myself every single day. In ways that I've never been able to experience before.
The soothing relief of just experiencing my brain-map connect with my body, more and more, bit by bit, is a state of existence that most people seemingly take for granted. For me, transitioning has nothing to do with attractiveness, how people perceive me, how I'm interacted with - it has everything to do with just, simply, fusing this disconnect.
It's so transtastic that I'm strongly considering staying on hormone therapy for the long haul. If so, that may require finding a way to access a hysterectomy and oophorectomy, given my concerns about the long-term health implications of hormone therapy on ovaries/uterus.
When I started this, I'd decided to do as little as possible to get as much as possible, in order to bridge the gap between my mind and body. To compromise. And to just get my brain-map and anatomy to meet in the middle, hug, and agree to disagree.
But for the first time in my life, I'm experiencing a connection between brain and body that I've never had before. It's so indescribably soothing. I'm able to actually look at myself in the mirror unclothed. It's still uncomfortable and disconnected since I haven't had surgery, but not so much so that I can't even look.
I'll figure this out.
So my dad called the other night about a documentary he and my mom were watching about a transsexual woman on NBC Prime Time. Family secrets, something something. I want to find it and watch it, but I'm not sure what the program was called. Anyone know? Probe probe.
My original plans were also to pursue as few physical changes as possible, but I'm not sure why I would want to do that. It sounds good in principle, but why deprive oneself of happiness for no good reason? Is there a good reason? I don't mean to question or criticize your own path: it's something I've been asking myself, and maybe you have some insight you'd be willing to share.
ReplyDeleteAbout the NBC documentary: I don't know its exact name, but it's about a woman called Chloe Prince (I don't even have access to most US television, so why do I know this sort of thing?!). And the Listener episode really touched me; thanks for the heads up!
It's just 100% health concerns and wanting to be the least intrusive possible with an otherwise healthy, strong body.
ReplyDeleteTestosterone is pretty brutal stuff. I worry about the cost of a hysterectomy (in the states insurance isn't all that trans-friendly and the likelihood of getting it covered is nill. I'm currently uninsured, so I'd have to take out a loan or find another way to get it covered.)
Without one, I believe that the risk of ovaries potentially developing similar symptoms as those seen in polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), which has been linked to an increased risk of endometrial cancer and/or ovarian cancer is a realistic one.
And with long-term testosterone use, I worry most about my liver. And in the states, if you are a tranny or an alcoholic, you're at the bottom of the list when it comes to help with liver damage or a transplant because they consider it self-inflicted damage.
My hormone doctor recently had to take a guy off of T due to the liver damage he had sustained from it. Since he refuses to take estrogen and his body is unable to produce hormones on it's own (due to having a hysterectomy), his bones are going to start depleting.
I have concerns, and I'm trying.trying.trying to do this the best and safest way that I know how. I explained my thought process, concerns, and plan a bit more thoroughly in my 1st post: http://www.humancomplaints.com/2008/12/transitioning.html
I still need to watch that freaking episode!!
HEY, I like George; I think you are a good mix of Georgeie looks and Shane personality. You are Shorge! YUP I said, Shorge.
ReplyDeleteI preformed a search for the NBC Show, I put in NBC Primetime Tranny... The third result from the search... Your blog. The show is called Prime Time: Family Secrets... But that's all I could find, I also didn't put a ton of effort into it.
It makes no sense to me why you couldn't go into your DR and say, I want my ovaries removed. Then your Dr write up some claim that they are removing your ovaries to prevent ovarian cancer. Even if you don't have it, removing your ovaries would still prevent it... Same goes for your breast tissue, why can't they attack it as a preventative thing? I guess this is why I don't run health care...
Ah, health concerns are a huge reason to avoid T. I've been taking my health for granted, which isn't good.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to even think about a hysterectomy because any sort of "sex-change" surgery is downright illegal in Argentina, unless you go to court. Many people go abroad, which requires a huge amount of money, or even get illegal surgery, which is extremely dangerous. It's all absurd, but I've heard the laws might change in the next few years.
I expected my endocrinologist to inform me, in the future, of all the dangers of T, but I don't know if doctors can be trusted on that. Most doctors haven't ever treated a trans person.
I thought there wasn't enough proof either way of T causing cancer; then again, my source is Hudson's FTM guide, and you probably have more direct sources of information (it looks like you've been doing research; kudos for that!). And I guess even a remote chance of developing cancer should be taken seriously.
there are females (or people with uteri) that lose them all the time for one reason or another. I know the testosterone is harsh, but worrying about liver damage AND endometriosis/cancer is a big ol' double whammy that you can nip in the bud.
ReplyDeleteI know getting a pap smear is super traumatic, but a prostate check is also for many men. I'd imagine coming closer to your exterior image of self vs. losing some organs internally would do a lot more when it came to feeling comfortable in your own body. If it's purely a financial decision - I'm willing to bet the chest surgery would go a long way for you. Just as much or more than the testosterone itself.
Having seen "Southern Comfort" though, I'd think eventually going for the hysterectomy might be a good long term goal. You certainly could revise a long term plan to include something along those lines in a few years. Then you only have to countdown the pap smears (sort of like knocking off grade levels in high school.)
I think what I'm really trying to say is that revising your long term plan isn't a horrible idea. The term 'transition' means change, of course, so you don't have to write out how that change will occur before you ever get there.
Kegg: Shorge? Really? Shorge? Ha!
ReplyDeletePreventative medicine? In the U.S.? No way! That's a radical concept!
genderkid: Gadz, I hope the laws do change there. I can't believe it's illegal. I get to whimper and whine about insurance not covering it; which is nothing in comparison to forcing trans people to desperately seek dangerous, underground, illegal surgeries or somehow get enough money to travel out of the country AND afford surgery. That's horrible.
ReplyDeleteWith T posing risks; I figure that being aware of risk and just trying to do our best with the information we have is, well, the best that we can do. Hudson's FTM Resource Guide is amazing. This is another resource I love bundles on http://www.nickgorton.org/, called "Medical Therapy and Health Maintenance for Transgender Men: A Guide For Health Care Providers", which you may have seen before. It's linked to from Hudson, so. :]
dscokween: True, true. That was all really well put and comforting. Thank you. :]
ReplyDeleteWith regular testosterone supplementation there's no worry of liver issues.
ReplyDeleteThat's only with the oral steroid analogs like Anavar, Dianabol, etc... since they have a first pass through the liver.
You don't get that with injectable or transdermal testosterone.
Most of the negative side effects of testosterone can be minimized through the use of estrogen and DHT blockers.
Brian: Thanks for your input. I've read that the oral testosterone is a definite NO NO, and definitely causes liver damage, but that there's also risk (to a much lesser, slower degree) with injectable testosterone. Hudson's FTM Guide says, "Specifically, the use of orally-administered C-17 alpha alkylated testosterone has been associated with such complications,... injectable, transdermal, buccal, and pellet delivery methods are thought to significantly lower such risks. No matter which testosterone delivery method is being used, it is prudent to screen the user with liver function tests to monitor the overall health of the liver."
ReplyDeleteTell me more about this use of estrogen and DHT blockers please. :]