My clothes just get bigger and bigger. Since December, I've gone from being 5'11'' and 175 lbs to 203 lbs. Prior to hormone therapy I fit into small to medium shirts, depending on the brand. Now, on average, I'm always wearing large.
I feel a bit like I'm traveling around in a bubble. Or maybe a tube. My shirts used to be so snug and dashing. Now I intentionally aim for a little excess breathing room knowing full well that my body shape is changing at a rapid rate. And I really don't like shopping. I'd much rather travel around in a cotton bubble versus having to invest in well-fitted shirts every few months.
And clothing is definitely not a priority with my unemployment. But after wearing the same red button-up plaid shirt three days in a row now, I decided that I had no choice but to get a few additional shirts.
So off I went, onwards to a second hand store downtown with my friend, Andrew. After said venture, I ended up with two - yes TWO! - additional button up shirts. Something I noticed today: prior to starting hormone therapy, my wardrobe lacked color. Everything I owned was essentially dark blue, black, or white. It didn't happen intentionally. I just preferred those colors. Or lack of color, rather. Since I get around on a bicycle, I'd even attempt to force myself to buy lighter colored clothing to increase visibility and coolness. Still, it just wouldn't happen no matter how hard I'd try to muster up the will. My dark wardrobe destiny seemed to be etched in stone.
In the rare event that I did end up wearing something with color it had to be a dark.dark hue of some sort. Otherwise, I felt like it was bright, distracting and obnoxious. Now? I'm all about color. It's as though I've become an uber hyper visual creature that loves red, white, blue, green. Color.color.color. They're all so incredibly, irresistibly visually appealing to me. I notice little things, even - like how wearing a green hat brings out the green in my eyes.
I never, ever noticed that colors served much of a function with clothing before. Not on me, anyway. Wearing color was just, painful. Now it's all happy. I feel like I'm more visually driven now, in numerous arenas. It's neat.
On another note, the other night while riding home on my scooter I came to a stop light. Idling to my right, a truck full of guys. The light turned green and, as I turned left, someone from the truck screamed "Queer!".
Wow.
I know as a fact that I'm entirely "dude" on my scooter, helmet and all. Apparently dude on scooter strike some folk in trucks as "queer"?
I feel a bit like I'm traveling around in a bubble. Or maybe a tube. My shirts used to be so snug and dashing. Now I intentionally aim for a little excess breathing room knowing full well that my body shape is changing at a rapid rate. And I really don't like shopping. I'd much rather travel around in a cotton bubble versus having to invest in well-fitted shirts every few months.
And clothing is definitely not a priority with my unemployment. But after wearing the same red button-up plaid shirt three days in a row now, I decided that I had no choice but to get a few additional shirts.
So off I went, onwards to a second hand store downtown with my friend, Andrew. After said venture, I ended up with two - yes TWO! - additional button up shirts. Something I noticed today: prior to starting hormone therapy, my wardrobe lacked color. Everything I owned was essentially dark blue, black, or white. It didn't happen intentionally. I just preferred those colors. Or lack of color, rather. Since I get around on a bicycle, I'd even attempt to force myself to buy lighter colored clothing to increase visibility and coolness. Still, it just wouldn't happen no matter how hard I'd try to muster up the will. My dark wardrobe destiny seemed to be etched in stone.
In the rare event that I did end up wearing something with color it had to be a dark.dark hue of some sort. Otherwise, I felt like it was bright, distracting and obnoxious. Now? I'm all about color. It's as though I've become an uber hyper visual creature that loves red, white, blue, green. Color.color.color. They're all so incredibly, irresistibly visually appealing to me. I notice little things, even - like how wearing a green hat brings out the green in my eyes.
I never, ever noticed that colors served much of a function with clothing before. Not on me, anyway. Wearing color was just, painful. Now it's all happy. I feel like I'm more visually driven now, in numerous arenas. It's neat.
On another note, the other night while riding home on my scooter I came to a stop light. Idling to my right, a truck full of guys. The light turned green and, as I turned left, someone from the truck screamed "Queer!".
Wow.
I know as a fact that I'm entirely "dude" on my scooter, helmet and all. Apparently dude on scooter strike some folk in trucks as "queer"?
I'm glad you managed to keep your queerness!
ReplyDeleteI started liking pink when I took on a male identity. I stopped wearing my pink shirts for a little while when I realized that no guys around me were wearing that color, but then I managed to embrace it. Transitioning wouldn't make much sense if it made me repress my fabulous sense of style (??).
Hey there.
ReplyDeleteI've heard from so many trans guys that they lost a ton of weight when they went on T. I've never heard of anyone gaining weight. How do you feel? So far my weight hasn't changed, but it's only been three weeks and I've been working out alot lately trying to build muscle. Are you ok with the weight gain, or do you want to try to lose it?
When are you going to post update pics again! I love those! I will be putting some up on around the 16th to see if anything is different by my 1 mo. mark.
Maybe we can catch up sometime and exchange info.
Take care man,
Jess
Jess: Hey Jess! Obesity is actually something that my hormone doctor warned me about as a potential side effect of testosterone therapy, but one that I'm super uber skeptical of. For me, my weight gain has been mostly an increase in muscle mass - and also from an increase in appetite, which has caused me to eat more than I should. ;]
ReplyDeleteI think that Hudson's FTM Guide has a good section on transitioning and potential weight gain in some: http://www.ftmguide.org/myths.html#8
I'm putting pics up soon! I just made a little viddy today, actually, that I'll put up tomorrow!
genderkid: I'm glad, too. Inadvertently via a scooter, even, and becoming more visually-driven and color lovin'! Whatdoyaknow. Maybe it's just intrinsically, inevitably embedded in some of us to be mega queer in some way or another.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy that you've learned to embrace pink. I haven't been drawn to that color just yet - you're just way too fabulous. ;P