Yesterday I was on a public mens restroom ROLL.
It's interesting to me that, despite the anxiety I've experienced in regards to the prospect of using mens restrooms (in regards to mostly being concerned about a potentially violent or embarrassing encounter if I don't "pass"), it's been much more comfortable than using public womens restrooms has ever been. I'd just adjusted.
It felt normal to constantly anticipate that there would be a scene, that someone may gasp or scream, that security might be called; that someone would walk in, walk out to double-check the sign, and walk in again and tell me I'm in the wrong bathroom. On and on.
The fact that going into male-only spaces that are potentially physically dangerous is LESS anxiety-inducing than using womens restrooms has been is just, astounding to me. And this is throughout my teenage and adult life, even prior to coming out as a trans person.
Frequently I felt the urge to do something to feminize my appearance enough that I wouldn't experience such a hassle. I did when I was alone, to some extent; like removing my hat, making sure to smile, being vocal and overboard friendly. I'd learned that there was no way I could ever just walk in to a public restroom and enter a stall without taking steps to make it clear to everyone that I "belonged" in there. If I didn't, if I just had to pee and walked in to a stall, there would always be a scene. I've had women group up outside the stall door and knock to tell me I was in the wrong bathroom.
Which then, of course, made me think, "What if I was a cisgender guy? I'm not doing anything. I'm just using the toilet. I haven't presented a threat to anyone, aside from fitting a stereotype of being 'male' and, therefore, other stereotypes about becoming violent and sexually predatory around women."
It's unfortunate that those stereotypes exist for a reason and are true a lot of the time, but they're definitely exacerbated with all of the segregation and pressure to conform to a nonsensical binary. It's so ridiculous that there are even websites entirely dedicated to helping gender ambiguous/trans people find safe places in public to pee. It's likely we'll have one for Utah at some point in the near future, also.
Gotta love the binary bathroom situation!
Speaking of bathroom situations, this morning the lining of my uterus started shedding again. It's a really weak flow that will most likely end today or tomorrow. There's also a perk this time: there were no cramps beforehand. Generally before and as it's starting I would really, really feel it. The cramps would come descending and I'd literally described it as a feeling like my "spine is melting".
Anyway, in order to prevent the horror from ensuing, if I caught it early enough I could take a couple ibuprofen and everything would be okay enough to continue being functional. If not, I'd race against time to get to a bed where the oh-so-comforting fetal position would occur.
I remember one day at work when I just HAD to be there and the lining was shedding, shedding, shedding and I found myself imagining the fetal position. I drew a little picture of the fetal position on a sticky note and put it on my monitor, which was actually soothing to look at.
Emotionally, I've always been irritated by this uterus lining shedding shindig because, not only is it physiologically foreign and uncomfortable, but it's also entirely unnecessary. It's a female reproductive system byproduct, for fook's sake. My poor confused body. It's okay though, body. We're figuring this out, you and I.
Two peas in a disconnected pod.
In other news, KSL released an article yesterday titled 'Report details LDS Church donation to Prop. 8 campaign'. Almost $190,000? Jebus. And that's a report compiled and submitted by the LDS Church itself. I wonder how steep the actual contributions were with inciting its members to donate time and means to support Proposition 8 (resulting in millions of dollars of cash contributions from its members and countless volunteer hours), and in-kind campaign contributions to a group that supports Proposition 8.
I'd rant and ramble about it here, but Queerty has a really in-depth article aboot the financial contributions and the ongoing investigation the LDS Church is currently facing that does a pretty good job summing up the whole shebang: How the Mormon Church Bought Prop.8.
Brief note: it had been bothering me for some time how the URL of my blog (veganbattlebot) didn't in any way, shape, or form match the title 'Decidedly Obscure Human Complaints' or reflect the theme of my little piece of the interwebs. So, just to put my brain at ease and in a spontaneous fit of mismatch, I registered a domain name that was surprisingly cheap (through omnipotent Google): http://www.HumanComplaints.com. Look! It has something to do with the title! Ahh, sweet, sweet relief.
It's interesting to me that, despite the anxiety I've experienced in regards to the prospect of using mens restrooms (in regards to mostly being concerned about a potentially violent or embarrassing encounter if I don't "pass"), it's been much more comfortable than using public womens restrooms has ever been. I'd just adjusted.
It felt normal to constantly anticipate that there would be a scene, that someone may gasp or scream, that security might be called; that someone would walk in, walk out to double-check the sign, and walk in again and tell me I'm in the wrong bathroom. On and on.
The fact that going into male-only spaces that are potentially physically dangerous is LESS anxiety-inducing than using womens restrooms has been is just, astounding to me. And this is throughout my teenage and adult life, even prior to coming out as a trans person.
Frequently I felt the urge to do something to feminize my appearance enough that I wouldn't experience such a hassle. I did when I was alone, to some extent; like removing my hat, making sure to smile, being vocal and overboard friendly. I'd learned that there was no way I could ever just walk in to a public restroom and enter a stall without taking steps to make it clear to everyone that I "belonged" in there. If I didn't, if I just had to pee and walked in to a stall, there would always be a scene. I've had women group up outside the stall door and knock to tell me I was in the wrong bathroom.
Which then, of course, made me think, "What if I was a cisgender guy? I'm not doing anything. I'm just using the toilet. I haven't presented a threat to anyone, aside from fitting a stereotype of being 'male' and, therefore, other stereotypes about becoming violent and sexually predatory around women."
It's unfortunate that those stereotypes exist for a reason and are true a lot of the time, but they're definitely exacerbated with all of the segregation and pressure to conform to a nonsensical binary. It's so ridiculous that there are even websites entirely dedicated to helping gender ambiguous/trans people find safe places in public to pee. It's likely we'll have one for Utah at some point in the near future, also.
Gotta love the binary bathroom situation!
Speaking of bathroom situations, this morning the lining of my uterus started shedding again. It's a really weak flow that will most likely end today or tomorrow. There's also a perk this time: there were no cramps beforehand. Generally before and as it's starting I would really, really feel it. The cramps would come descending and I'd literally described it as a feeling like my "spine is melting".
Anyway, in order to prevent the horror from ensuing, if I caught it early enough I could take a couple ibuprofen and everything would be okay enough to continue being functional. If not, I'd race against time to get to a bed where the oh-so-comforting fetal position would occur.
I remember one day at work when I just HAD to be there and the lining was shedding, shedding, shedding and I found myself imagining the fetal position. I drew a little picture of the fetal position on a sticky note and put it on my monitor, which was actually soothing to look at.
Emotionally, I've always been irritated by this uterus lining shedding shindig because, not only is it physiologically foreign and uncomfortable, but it's also entirely unnecessary. It's a female reproductive system byproduct, for fook's sake. My poor confused body. It's okay though, body. We're figuring this out, you and I.
Two peas in a disconnected pod.
In other news, KSL released an article yesterday titled 'Report details LDS Church donation to Prop. 8 campaign'. Almost $190,000? Jebus. And that's a report compiled and submitted by the LDS Church itself. I wonder how steep the actual contributions were with inciting its members to donate time and means to support Proposition 8 (resulting in millions of dollars of cash contributions from its members and countless volunteer hours), and in-kind campaign contributions to a group that supports Proposition 8.
I'd rant and ramble about it here, but Queerty has a really in-depth article aboot the financial contributions and the ongoing investigation the LDS Church is currently facing that does a pretty good job summing up the whole shebang: How the Mormon Church Bought Prop.8.
Brief note: it had been bothering me for some time how the URL of my blog (veganbattlebot) didn't in any way, shape, or form match the title 'Decidedly Obscure Human Complaints' or reflect the theme of my little piece of the interwebs. So, just to put my brain at ease and in a spontaneous fit of mismatch, I registered a domain name that was surprisingly cheap (through omnipotent Google): http://www.HumanComplaints.com. Look! It has something to do with the title! Ahh, sweet, sweet relief.
I miss your old banner, to be honest. That, and Vegan Battle Bot is/was a pretty sweet name (not that the two are related).
ReplyDeleteSidenote: When are you going to start playing GW with me?
Kammorremae: I miss it, too! I'll figure out some fancy purdy way to bring it back. Skulls and blood; just can't go wrong.
ReplyDeleteGW as in Guild Wars? I'm actually thinking about giving WoW another shot, as difficult as that is to admit. But, more likely, CoH. Do you currently play CoH?
It's been a while, but my MMORPG-lovin' nature has been itching like crazy lately and MUST be satisfied.
I want to play CoH, but am not actively subscribed. With my schedule, a pay-to-play MMO would end being a waste for the most part. That's why I've been sticking with GW; it's free to play.
ReplyDeleteThat, and I'm a PvP whore.
Additional sidenote: you do realize you'll be getting a lot more traffic now that you changed the URL?
ReplyDeleteKammorremae: That's a really good point in regards to GW being free... alright, fine, I'll do it. I'll get it installed and ready to play by next week!
ReplyDeleteIn regards to the URL change and getting more traffic, I hadn't thought of that, actually. You think so? It was just bothering me that the URL didn't match the title or theme. I need to get that scary deterring banner back up ASAP! ;P
Well, look at it this way:
ReplyDeleteWhen it was www.veganbattlebot.blogspot.com, your chances for accidental traffic were slim to none.
Now that it's simply www.humancomplaints.com, almost anyone could accidently find this blog (some people like to type random shit into the adress bar and see what pops up).
Kammorremae: This is true. I hadn't thought of that. On the plus side, at least a percentage of said accidental traffic will be a bit more trans-aware/friendly afterwards?
ReplyDeleteYou'll change the world, one hetero at a time.
ReplyDeleteBtw, drop a comment on mah blog when you get GW up.
Mel, you rock. :) It sounds like shit has been going down at work lately - I hope that the rest of it misses you (and the select few people that I still actually care about at that place).
ReplyDeleteraedances: Hi! So do you!
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, it was pretty extreme how many people were just laid off in one fell swoop. And who got laid off. What's worse is that it isn't an out of the ordinary occurrence these days.