Health Care and Girl Nightmares

I'm due for another doctor appointment. I need to have my hormone levels checked! Since this is my first year on hormone therapy I'm supposed to have my levels checked every 6 months. I wasn't planning to be unemployed and to lose my health insurance, especially so soon into this process. So now I'm nervous about even having the ability to afford the preventative care that I need.

But I definitely need to figure out how to make it happen. Without having my hormone levels checked, I'll have no idea if I'm injecting the right dose or not.

Related to this, I'm dreading my next pap smear. My stomach knots up just thinking about it. There are a million other awful things I'd prefer - even being locked in an isolation chamber with my eyeballs taped open watching Barney and Friends. And that's saying something.




With pap smears, I should have one done at least every 2 years. I had one in January, which was no easy task. In order to complete it successfully, my doctor had to give me two gorilla shots of muscle relaxer. Enough to knock me out for the remainder of the day, pretty much.

According to Hudson's FTM Resource Guide:

A large portion of trans men are extremely uncomfortable with having female genitalia and/or reproductive organs. Though a percentage of trans men may have their uteruses and/or ovaries surgically removed, and may also have genital surgery, others do not have those surgeries at all.

Those trans men who still have their uteruses and ovaries should have regular pelvic exams with Pap smears. If a trans man is having or has had any kind of penetrative sex in the vaginal opening, Pap smears should be performed regularly (usually every year or every two years, depending on test results and sexual activity). As uncomfortable as this may be, it is a wise choice. Regular Pap smears can identify pre-cancerous cells on the cervix in their early stages, in time for treatment.

The health care side of things is really unsettling to me. Besides fearing logistic issues, discrimination, etc., ... it's even worse to not have health insurance, period. Growing up, I had health insurance through my father. And then I received health insurance through my employer. Which, unfortunately, was trans-exclusive. But better than nothing. But after being abruptly laid off and losing my health insurance a day later, ... it's stressful. I feel like I'm economically unable to gain access to extremely important preventative health care. Which we all have a right to.

I'm really excited about the prospect of some form of national health care coverage in the U.S. If it happens, it will actually be a modest reform already long provided by all other industrial democracies. How did the U.S. fall so far behind in the domain of basic human rights?

It even sucks for my roommate, who does have health insurance. She's presently a college student and has a service job where she's paid $2/hour plus tips. She injured her ankle over a month ago. Even with health insurance, she's reluctant to go in to a clinic. She walks and works on it, hoping that it will get better on its own. Holding out until she has no other choice. And by then, the damage may be worse and permanent. But she has to, because she can't afford to go in - even with her health insurance. It's ridiculous.

Bizarre Nightmare Side Note

I had the most bizarre nightmare last night. I had grown a mustache overnight and wasn't aware of it. I also wasn't binding for some reason, and had wandered in to the women's restroom. The larger stall.

While there, I noticed the mustache somehow. But it was too late.

Girls walked in. I hid on the toilet. They were chatting and - while oblivious to my presence - one of the girls blundered into my stall (apparently there aren't stall locks in nightmares). I immediately covered my face with some toilet paper and stood up.

Girl chatting stopped, everyone froze. I tried to mumble a fake girl voice, unsuccessfully. She screams. Her friends scream.

And then I ran. Out of the stall, out of the restroom, and back into reality.