I was successful at doing my own injection last night!
That whole hand shaking fiasco didn't kick in, fortunately, and I was able to perforate myself and slowly slide that evil, long needle in; felt it go through various layers of thigh meat. I have evolved from my diapers of shaking and whimpering to my underroo's of self-injection. It probably isn't as big of a feat as I'm making it out to be, but stabbing one's self is a bit against the grain of my intuitive human nature! I can't help but to feel proud. And mighty.
My friend came over to be on standby in the event that hand shaking nonsense kicked up again. She had the most supportive, calming attitude. "Mel, you're not shaking one bit, you're doing just fine. Just stick it in, it's no biggie...", and then, once it was in, "Ooo, good job! Now remember to slide it back, see if there's any blood..." She was great. The process turned out to be tremendously easy and simple.
After my successful self-injection and in celebration of Trans Bonanza Day, some friends and I gathered around with pizza to play a board game called 'Mall of Horror'. I purchased said game back in the day specifically because it was rated as a 'wall thrower' in a board game forum (yes, I read board game forums, what of it?); i.e. people get so upset at one another playing it that they throw the game at the wall. Even with four really non-competitive people who try their hardest to be sharing and cooperative, the nature of the game makes it impossible to be anything but conniving, devious, and 100% self-centered. So much fun!
In other news, I have an appointment next Wednesday to get my first ever official 'breast' exam. Admittedly, it was really uncomfortable making the phone call - especially asking for a "breast exam" (I'll refer to it as a 'chest exam' for comfort's sake). It's not like I've intentionally ignored that area of my body, but, as I've explained before, it's subconsciously non-existent. I have a chest and I just happen to wake up every morning with foreign sacks of fat dangling from it. Even though my brain doesn't have this fact mapped out, the presence of potentially cancerous breast tissue is a reality I have to acknowledge and be responsible about. Which, well, I haven't been.
It's incredibly distressing attempting to examine myself. The possibility of someone else checking is a zero. And since I have never been one to touch my own chest, or to let anyone else, I've been concerned for some time about the possibility of breast cancer, especially with knowing full well that I've been entirely negligent about that area. However, not only is it responsible and necessary to get checked out, but there's also a strong history in my family of breast cancer. I watched my grandmother die from it when I was 17.
So yes, first.ever chest exam appointment this Wednesday. I'll go in, sit there, be fondled, and hopefully all is well and I'll wander out feeling relieved that it wasn't a pap.
Enough chest talk. On to belly talk. I'm still a ravenous beast. It's not as shocking as it initially was a week or so after my first injection. I've acclimated to the usual acidic.starvy feeling. Still, I will most definitely be a very large dude in no time if I don't figure something out here. I try to work out every day. I bicycle about. Yet, there's some belly action going on, especially as my fat is working hard to redistribute to this area. And it's becoming a hairy belly. And one day, it will be a very, very hairy (or so I hope!), even bigger belly.
The other day, after whining and whimpering to a friend about my growing pains, she took it upon herself to send me some Google tips for curbing hunger in growing boys:
That is changing a bit these days, though. Not only was being closeted and stuck consuming my esteem, but living in Utah can take a toll in a lot of ways; the cherry on top of a national hyper-conservative climate. Once Obama was elected and (for the first time since the 60s) Salt Lake County went to the Democratic candidate I felt this huge surge of hope and optimism. That same week, just a few days later, we had a spontaneous rally in the streets in regards to the LDS Church's involvement in the passing of Proposition 8 where approximately 5,000 LGBT people & allies marched. It was amazing.
Less then a month later, fueled with hope and optimism, I came out as trans, began my transition, and started this blog. Now, with my new found confidence and esteem boost, I've crawled out of my cold, dark closeted shack and have been openly skipping down new and unfamiliar paths. Along these paths are various rocks and bushes, where, apparently, girls have been hiding. I've actually started dating to some extent after, with some exception, a two year long hiatus. Moral of this story being: pizza for dinner doesn't impress or woo.
Oh! Also, my mom is getting better at remembering to call me 'Mel'. However, now she says it A LOT. Some times I think she calls me just to say my name. For example, in one sentence the other night she said, "Mel, what's up Mel? Hey Mel!"
By the way, if I ever were to radically change my name, I'd definitely change it to Rod Johnson. It has so much zest and could be utilized in so many entirely glorious ways. Rad Rod. "Why, hello... I'm Rod Johnson", cocked eyebrow. Just try saying it out loud.
I mean, really now, who wouldn't want a little bit of Rod Johnson in their life?
That whole hand shaking fiasco didn't kick in, fortunately, and I was able to perforate myself and slowly slide that evil, long needle in; felt it go through various layers of thigh meat. I have evolved from my diapers of shaking and whimpering to my underroo's of self-injection. It probably isn't as big of a feat as I'm making it out to be, but stabbing one's self is a bit against the grain of my intuitive human nature! I can't help but to feel proud. And mighty.
My friend came over to be on standby in the event that hand shaking nonsense kicked up again. She had the most supportive, calming attitude. "Mel, you're not shaking one bit, you're doing just fine. Just stick it in, it's no biggie...", and then, once it was in, "Ooo, good job! Now remember to slide it back, see if there's any blood..." She was great. The process turned out to be tremendously easy and simple.
After my successful self-injection and in celebration of Trans Bonanza Day, some friends and I gathered around with pizza to play a board game called 'Mall of Horror'. I purchased said game back in the day specifically because it was rated as a 'wall thrower' in a board game forum (yes, I read board game forums, what of it?); i.e. people get so upset at one another playing it that they throw the game at the wall. Even with four really non-competitive people who try their hardest to be sharing and cooperative, the nature of the game makes it impossible to be anything but conniving, devious, and 100% self-centered. So much fun!In other news, I have an appointment next Wednesday to get my first ever official 'breast' exam. Admittedly, it was really uncomfortable making the phone call - especially asking for a "breast exam" (I'll refer to it as a 'chest exam' for comfort's sake). It's not like I've intentionally ignored that area of my body, but, as I've explained before, it's subconsciously non-existent. I have a chest and I just happen to wake up every morning with foreign sacks of fat dangling from it. Even though my brain doesn't have this fact mapped out, the presence of potentially cancerous breast tissue is a reality I have to acknowledge and be responsible about. Which, well, I haven't been.
It's incredibly distressing attempting to examine myself. The possibility of someone else checking is a zero. And since I have never been one to touch my own chest, or to let anyone else, I've been concerned for some time about the possibility of breast cancer, especially with knowing full well that I've been entirely negligent about that area. However, not only is it responsible and necessary to get checked out, but there's also a strong history in my family of breast cancer. I watched my grandmother die from it when I was 17.
So yes, first.ever chest exam appointment this Wednesday. I'll go in, sit there, be fondled, and hopefully all is well and I'll wander out feeling relieved that it wasn't a pap.
Enough chest talk. On to belly talk. I'm still a ravenous beast. It's not as shocking as it initially was a week or so after my first injection. I've acclimated to the usual acidic.starvy feeling. Still, I will most definitely be a very large dude in no time if I don't figure something out here. I try to work out every day. I bicycle about. Yet, there's some belly action going on, especially as my fat is working hard to redistribute to this area. And it's becoming a hairy belly. And one day, it will be a very, very hairy (or so I hope!), even bigger belly.
The other day, after whining and whimpering to a friend about my growing pains, she took it upon herself to send me some Google tips for curbing hunger in growing boys:
1. "Liquid Lunches": Broths and filtered fresh drinking water help keep appetite at bay. In fact, according to experts thirst is often mistaken for hunger. They suggest drinking an 8-ounce glass of water at the first sign of hunger and waiting a few minutes, before making the decision to eat. If you're not partial to water, they suggest organic vegetable or chicken broth and heat it up at a quart at a time.I'm not sure I'll be that good at actually following those above tips. For lunch today, for example, I ate my leftover pizza from last night. So goes the bachelor life.
2. Field Of Greens: Dark leafy greens and vegetables have lots of nutrients but very few calories, and can fill you up quickly and easily. And if you prefer them with a little seasoning; consider low-calorie salad dressings or stir-fry veggies in water. For more flavor you may even want to add a few onions, a little garlic, and some soy sauce, just may sure it's the low sodium kind.
3. Homemade, Instant, Organic Banana Pudding: An, easy tasty, do-it-yourself healthy dessert made from all-natural ingredients found at the health food store. Pour a quart of soymilk into a blender and add two scoops of unsweetened banana-flavored simply natural spirutein soy protein powder and stevia (as a sweetener). Mix together. While blender is still running, add ½ tablespoon of guar gum powder and ½ tablespoon of xanthan gum powder to thicken.
4. Dill You Senses: By only natural varieties and avoid those with added sugars and artificial food coloring.
5. Crunch and Much (On Apples): According to nutrition experts, apples have few calories and an equally few amount of carbs, but taste great, are great for you, and fill you up before you begin to overeat, making them one of the smartest sweet treats you can eat.
That is changing a bit these days, though. Not only was being closeted and stuck consuming my esteem, but living in Utah can take a toll in a lot of ways; the cherry on top of a national hyper-conservative climate. Once Obama was elected and (for the first time since the 60s) Salt Lake County went to the Democratic candidate I felt this huge surge of hope and optimism. That same week, just a few days later, we had a spontaneous rally in the streets in regards to the LDS Church's involvement in the passing of Proposition 8 where approximately 5,000 LGBT people & allies marched. It was amazing.
Less then a month later, fueled with hope and optimism, I came out as trans, began my transition, and started this blog. Now, with my new found confidence and esteem boost, I've crawled out of my cold, dark closeted shack and have been openly skipping down new and unfamiliar paths. Along these paths are various rocks and bushes, where, apparently, girls have been hiding. I've actually started dating to some extent after, with some exception, a two year long hiatus. Moral of this story being: pizza for dinner doesn't impress or woo.
Oh! Also, my mom is getting better at remembering to call me 'Mel'. However, now she says it A LOT. Some times I think she calls me just to say my name. For example, in one sentence the other night she said, "Mel, what's up Mel? Hey Mel!"
By the way, if I ever were to radically change my name, I'd definitely change it to Rod Johnson. It has so much zest and could be utilized in so many entirely glorious ways. Rad Rod. "Why, hello... I'm Rod Johnson", cocked eyebrow. Just try saying it out loud.
I mean, really now, who wouldn't want a little bit of Rod Johnson in their life?
Gawd, the hunger.
ReplyDeleteThere are times where I will, quite literally, eat everythng. One thing you'll want to watch out for, the more you eat, the more acid your stomach produces. If you get into the habit of eating large amounts of food, then cut back, you risk suffering very serious heart burn.
When I was 19, I became very ill and lost about 24 pounds in the spam of a month, from not eating. My stomach shrunk, and took years to return to it's normal size. Because of that, I starting suffering from fairly serious acid reflux. Because of this, my throat has become damaged as of late, and I get what the ER doc called "esophagial spasms". As explained to me, the throat became damaged to the point where it started to contract and release out of sync, similar to hicups. However, instead of hicups, I get severe chest pains that can manifest anywhere in my torso. The first time it happened, I thought I was having a heart attack. According to the doc, they feel nearly identical, with the exception of numbness of the arm.
So, be careful, ravenous one.
Kammorremae: Oh ouch. That sounds terrible. Thank you for sharing. I'll be careful, and will snack and consume mass amounts of substance cautiously!
ReplyDelete