Decidedly Obscure Human Complaints.

This week... I woke up Saturday clearly infected and all sickly goopy phlegm-city gross. By Sunday, my throat was sore and my head felt like it was going to 'plode from all of the congested pressure. Yet, due to my friend acquiring tickets literally months in advance for a demolition derby, I abstained from sleep. I slugged it to the demolition derby where I enjoyed watching all the cars smash and mash (and, most of all, the people watching) via a blurred out stuffy congestion sick-ville sleepy filter. Despite the sick factor, it was a lot of fun. I can't quite pinpoint why, but demolition derbies are the only things I actually want to get tickets for and go watch. No sports, no plays, no symphonies, no concerts really - but demolition derbies? Sign me up! While there, Erin (who really visibly gender non-conforming) asked if I wouldn't mind going to the men's restroom with him (he always uses women's restrooms, but felt too uncomfortable to do so at the der...

The weekend before last was No More Homeless Pet' s semi-annual Super Pet Adoption. This is an event where homeless animals from a number of rescue groups and local shelters receive much-needed exposure, increasing their odds to find homes. 106 cats and 246 dogs were adopted, for a total of 352. Which was pretty good, given the IT'S SPRING freezing wet weather. Ken Passarella made a wonderful video of it: I love No More Homeless Pets in Utah (NMHP). Before they began in 2000, over 46,000 animals were euthanized in shelters throughout the state (1999 baseline). By 2008, that number had decreased by 30% and continues to decrease, bit by bit. I'm particularly relieved for all of the shelter animals who get to come, looking for homes; like those from a local animal shelter that's only open 10am-6pm Monday through Friday and closed weekends - when most people are stuck at work and unable to go meet all of the little animals in need of homes. I had no idea what ...

Earlier today I had my first day of work as a barista down at the Utah Pride Center's Cafe Marmalade. Slinging coffee is a definite change of pace for a tech geek like myself, but I've caught on quick enough. Right after my shift ended I peddled across town to Costco for an eye appointment. I got there right in the knick of time, eyes all blood-shot from expresso shot testing (part of the training process and another story entirely) and red-faced sweaty. The receptionist handed me some paperwork to fill out. Once I had that completed, she requested my membership card which has my full first name on it - Melanie. This prompted her to ask how I pronounce my first name. In that moment and on the spot amongst strangers galore, I replied, "Mel-on-eye." I told her that I prefer Mel. And just like that, she asked no further questions. After waiting for a few minutes the doctor called me in, tested my eyes, said something about how phobia of contacts-vs-glasses is more ...

You'd think, by now, that the DMV would have a more efficient process for funneling people in and out. Long, tedious and torturous story short, I bicycled to the DMV earlier today to acquire a learners permit. As I mentioned before, I've never had a drivers license. Even though I got A's in my high school driving course, I ended up with an incomplete at the end of the semester after showing up late three times. Since I bicycle and have never had a desire to own a car, I never took it upon myself to jump through any driver license hoops. But I finally ended up wanting one now that there's a car share program in Salt Lake City. With this schnazzy program, there are cars parked in various spots around the city and members can reserve one, use their card to get into the car, "rent" it for a few hours or a day, and then park it where they picked it up. Having this option could come in handy. On my way to the DMV I considered stopping at a gas station to empty m...

One of my greatest concerns with the aesthetic changes associated with hormone therapy? Ending up in male-only spaces, like locker rooms and public restrooms. Why? Because apparently individuals in these spaces have the potential to be downright weird, bizarre, and creepy. Just yesterday I spent some time studying at the downtown library. Eventually, I had to use the restroom. There were a few stalls leading back to a fourth, larger stall. Since the restroom only had one occupant (a guy sitting in the stall directly next to the larger stall), I darted to the larger stall. As I engaged in my business, my phone vibrated. I checked it, selected "ignore" with the intention to call them back - and then I noticed something unusual in my peripheral vision. I caught a glimpse of activity beneath the stall divider to my left, near the floor. It looked like the top of a head, upside down, darting up quickly. What!? I was stunned. And stuck, wishing that I could just stop ...

I just went on a vacation to San Diego with my adorable family. I can barely recall the last time we went on a vacation together. I was so young. Now that my brother and I are old enough to pitch in, we decided that we could afford a road trip to California. And it was a LOT of much-needed fun. Sunshine and humidity and ocean n' beaches n' cruiser bicycles galore! A couple of things that immediately stuck out to me: Aside from everything mentioned above: people experiencing homelessness were everywhere, in clear sight; sleeping along sidewalks or in established camps. To my surprise, police didn't seem to punish or bother them - and no one else seemed to be harassing them, either. And they weren't hidden or pushed out or shipped off. In Utah, this isn't the case. Everything and anything is done to keep people experiencing homelessness out of sight. For example, at the shelter right next door to apartments I used to live in the city literally built a fenced-in ...

I just got home from volunteering at the  Equality Utah's Annual Allies Dinner where I learned that Equality Utah has only been around for 8 years. Seriously? Only 8 years? I was surprised because so much has happened in such a small amount of time. Going from just one out politician here in Utah to a whole slew of them AND allies, LGBT legislation, lobbyist trainings, on and on presently. It seems that even when progress happens incrementally - it does happen, and a whole lot faster than it feels. This article makes me happy, too: What's Right With Utah By Lisa Duggan Forget everything you think you know about Utah. Yes, it's the reddest state in the union and the headquarters of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS). For the past twenty-five years, Republicans have had a virtual lock on statewide offices. Utah hasn't voted for a Democrat for president since 1964, and last year the state chose John McCain over Barack Obama by almost a 2-to-1 ma...

On Saturday I volunteered at a  No More Homeless Pets (NMHP) fund-raiser called Canine Casino Night. I'm a sucker for homeless animals. This one, though, is the cream of the volunteering crop - like a cherry on the tree of NMHP volunteering; especially for little hormonally adolescent trans boys like myself. It's eye candy central where the entire aesthetic of the event is reminiscent of Vegas, a casino ambiance where compassionate animal-lovin' femme fatales wander while I diligently carry out my tasks. Mmm hmm. I mean, for serious! It's also especially fun to watch guardians gaming with their excited pups not giving a hoot why they're out so late or what in the heck is going on. All they know is that a.) they're out with their person and b.) get to sniff a million + 1 other pup bums. It's so excellent for everyone on so many levels. A friend of mine who came to volunteer as one of the glammed up donation garnering femme fatales invited me to go...

Injection time went well last night! I've got that shizzit down like a pirate knows how to fire cannons through portholes. I didn't get home until a little after midnight, but that whole ' Is this what jonesing feels like? " sensation I experienced last time wasn't present. Whew! Last time I injected into my left thigh (I'd always been injecting into my right) with the idea that I'm going to alternate between thighs. So last night I injected into my right thigh and, for some reason, it's become a bit painful. I can feel the needle slide through every layer of muscle like it's thicker or hardened when it used to have a seamless, slide-in-like-butta sensation going on. I just need to develop a little bot like this to do injections for me! Then I can just lay back and think about buttery textures and juicy centers while the bot determines the softest point of entry before sticking n' injecting! Genius. Anyway, right after work last night...

I saw Watchmen last Friday with a valiant nerd posse and I was entirely blown away. I'd read the comic book some time ago and recalled that it was an incredibly raw and realistic alternate United States where deconstructed super heroes emerged around the 1940s. As Hilary Goldstein put it in 2005: "No comic book has been the subject of more essays and serious literary discussion than Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons' Watchmen. It has been named one of the 100 greatest novels of the past century by Time Magazine. Released 20 years ago, the 12-issue maxi-series was a groundbreaking achievement for comics. Written "for adults," Watchmen opened the doors for thought-provoking and intelligent comics in the mainstream. Two decades after its arrival, there is still no greater comic book." Being a fan of the comic with the political undertones, heroes, anti-heroes, a giant blue pecker, street-fighting lesbians and pirates... I was anxious about how Hollywood would...

Yesterday I experienced some strange and entirely unfamiliar symptoms for most of the day. They got worse after every hour that passed. This is the first time I've ever felt weird or off on injection day, aside from feeling anxious and nervous the first few times. I don't feel any anxiety prior to injecting now, but, last night, I started to feel extremely dizzy. There was a whole lotta pressure swimming around in my noggin, to the point where my ears wanted to PoP! and my jaw continuously clenched. I felt irritable, angry, and moody. I couldn't help but wonder, " Is this what jonesing feels like? If not, what the heck is up? Am I getting sick? " Was I? Or was it something entirely not correlated? I'll know better after my next injection, if it happens again, but what I do know is that every one of those symptoms went away immediately after my injection and today I feel great . On a much more uplifting note, my pack n' pisser arrived on Wednesda...

I catch myself every so often feeling incredibly uncomfortable and afraid about being so open about my transition. On some level, I feel a strong desire to huddle it all up inside and to stop blogging. To resist, I remind myself about why I'm out, why I'm blogging, and why I'm so open about the little kibbles and bits of transition. Growing up I was frequently 'mistaken' as a cisgender boy and would hear this abstract, foreign word used frequently to describe me: " androgynous ". I had no idea what that word meant, but I'd gathered that it had something to do with being perceived as a girl who'd be frequently mistaken as a boy. I felt offended by that word and by all of the gender confusion on a daily basis, mostly because it was generally seen by other children in a negative way that would result in teasing. Honestly, I remember feeling insulted. I'd look in the mirror and think that I wasn't a bad looking kid, but maybe I'd just a...

My massage last Friday was so.very.blissful . It went on for two whole hours . Afterward I was dehydrated to all hell and felt like I was on a muscle relaxed little floaty cloud. My gives-the-best-massages friend gave me a glass of water, then I floated off yonder to a local queer club where "femme women dress up as butch and compete". Femme? What? Where? I'm in. Anyhoo, the most recent post over at The Vegan Lunch Box was a little hope-inducing in regards to my puberty-ridden acne and backne development. The author's little son, Schmoo, has finally hit his preteens, which led her to blog the following: I've dealt with acne my entire adult life (they all told me I'd grow out of it, the liars). And although acne has been linked to milk and dairy products in several studies , going vegan did not clear up my skin at all. Of course, although it didn't contain dairy, my early vegan diet did include daily servings of things like soda, chips, candy, and ...

I pulled the pull cord on my engine earlier tonight and the motor revved up again. Little engine that couldn't? Psssht! Who's that? Not me. So the debate tonight was something else that has compelled me stay up past my bed time, blood shot eyes and greasy needs-to-shower skin to rant and rave in my longest and most grueling blog post yet. The core of it oriented around Equality Utah presenting arguments in support of why the Utah State Legislature should pass legislation associated with the Common Ground Initiative , while the Sutherland Institute debated why these bills should not be passed. The debate began with opening comments by each side, followed by a question-and-answer exchange between both teams. The debate concluded with a terrifying Q&A from audience members (Seriously. There was an audience member who actually shouted out that gays should want to go to prison because they would get more action and another audience member compared same-sex marriage to a man...

Here is another awkward viddy documentation of my voice change. There's a bit o' difference! In other news, yesterday was my brother's birthday. Aww, a little Valentine baby ! It was oodles of aging fun. Most of it was spent with my mom, dad, brother, and his girlfriend. Speaking of family and spending time together, I have numerous traumatizing memories of scratching my dad's pimply back. Zits popping, pus and blood under my fingernails. My brother also developed backne and my mom would pop his back pimples and put medicine on them. Me, on the other hand - I've never had a back pimple . Yet, last night, there I was, head in my mom's lap while she popped my backne. Gah, seriously. The shame. I really shouldn't share this kind of flattering information. I'm becoming more of an irresistible Casanova every day. Ahem, moving on, later in the evening we went to see a picture show that lacked a single uplifting moment - ' Revolutionary Road '...

Yesterday I was on a public mens restroom ROLL. It's interesting to me that, despite the anxiety I've experienced in regards to the prospect of using mens restrooms (in regards to mostly being concerned about a potentially violent or embarrassing encounter if I don't "pass"), it's been much more comfortable than using public womens restrooms has ever been. I'd just adjusted. It felt normal to constantly anticipate that there would be a scene, that someone may gasp or scream, that security might be called; that someone would walk in, walk out to double-check the sign, and walk in again and tell me I'm in the wrong bathroom. On and on. The fact that going into male-only spaces that are potentially physically dangerous is LESS anxiety-inducing than using womens restrooms has been is just, astounding to me. And this is throughout my teenage and adult life, even prior to coming out as a trans person. Frequently I felt the urge to do something to fem...

I look forward to Super Sunday for two reasons: PETA's always-banned-yet-entirely-awesome Super Bowl commercials and Animal Planet's PUPPY BOWL !! Last year some friends and I actually had a Puppy Bowl party with fattening buckets of food, back slapping, and even this football snack bowl to boot: When the Puppy Bowl enthusiast is ready to snack, (s/z)he pushes the button, the top of the football opens up to a plethora of snacks and the Super Bowl theme plays. The best. This year marked Animal Planet's PUPPY BOWL V . These are a few of the puppies who competed in the starting line-up this year: 12 week old pitbull mix named Bella ! My personal favorite who I was rooting for. I should have painted her name on my chest. Or his. Bella doesn't care. Charlie Brown ! Just look at him! Definitely a force to be reckoned with. I actually don't know what in the hell this is, but somehow it found its way into the Puppy Bowl alongside puppies. Probably landed t...