Decidedly Obscure Human Complaints.

This week... I woke up Saturday clearly infected and all sickly goopy phlegm-city gross. By Sunday, my throat was sore and my head felt like it was going to 'plode from all of the congested pressure. Yet, due to my friend acquiring tickets literally months in advance for a demolition derby, I abstained from sleep. I slugged it to the demolition derby where I enjoyed watching all the cars smash and mash (and, most of all, the people watching) via a blurred out stuffy congestion sick-ville sleepy filter. Despite the sick factor, it was a lot of fun. I can't quite pinpoint why, but demolition derbies are the only things I actually want to get tickets for and go watch. No sports, no plays, no symphonies, no concerts really - but demolition derbies? Sign me up! While there, Erin (who really visibly gender non-conforming) asked if I wouldn't mind going to the men's restroom with him (he always uses women's restrooms, but felt too uncomfortable to do so at the der...

I was fortunate enough to land a student job at my school, but have experienced a technical difficulty with the paperwork after my soon-to-be employers called  The Social Security Administration (SSA). On my first day I was told to visit the campus Human Resources (HR) department to fill out paperwork in order to be officially employed. I did so and the next day I received an e-mail requesting that I return to the HR office to discuss some things. Hrm. I was informed that part of the employee verification process is done through a system called  E-Verify, which apparently involves my social security number. The results said that my number is real, but that the information provided it isn't matching up. The HR employee was clearly baffled and admitted that this was the first time they'd had E-Verify reject a social security number. I told her that I had my name legally changed recently and maybe it wasn't updated yet in the social security database. She provided ...

One of my greatest concerns with the aesthetic changes associated with hormone therapy? Ending up in male-only spaces, like locker rooms and public restrooms. Why? Because apparently individuals in these spaces have the potential to be downright weird, bizarre, and creepy. Just yesterday I spent some time studying at the downtown library. Eventually, I had to use the restroom. There were a few stalls leading back to a fourth, larger stall. Since the restroom only had one occupant (a guy sitting in the stall directly next to the larger stall), I darted to the larger stall. As I engaged in my business, my phone vibrated. I checked it, selected "ignore" with the intention to call them back - and then I noticed something unusual in my peripheral vision. I caught a glimpse of activity beneath the stall divider to my left, near the floor. It looked like the top of a head, upside down, darting up quickly. What!? I was stunned. And stuck, wishing that I could just stop ...

I think I've finally snapped out of my funk. For about 6 months I've been feeling really overwhelmed and hopeless. Then my brain and I had a very serious discussion. It went something like this: "You know what, noggin? I'm sorry that I've let you sink so low. I know that once you're down, it's hard to drag you back up again. How about this? If I promise to get enough sleep, to get up early, work out every morning, and eat better, will you return the favor by keeping my mood more stable and energy levels high?", to which my brain replied, "Yes, please! I'm tired of this funk! It's all over the place and, with your help, we can get this mess mopped up. I just need you to provide the tools I need to clean it up." And, with that epic discussion, we came to a mutual agreement, my brain and I. One concern that contributed to the onslaught of funkiness had much to do with losing my health insurance, which has really stressed me out. Bu...

I met with an academic advisor a few days ago to see if there's any realistic, feasible way I'll be able to go back to school. Once upon a time, even setting foot into a college classroom sounded impossible to me. Especially after dropping out of high school in 1999. I don't recall being encouraged to apply for college. Instead, I was introduced on a weekly basis to army recruiters. Who, in turn, could get us into this foreign world of "college". After dropping out and with few options, I did visit with a recruiter. I was on the verge of signing up, but had just recently decided to go vegan. And I doubted that boot camp would be the most vegan-friendly place. And then George W. Bush became President in 2000. I eventually did find my way to Salt Lake Community College and through harassing anyone and everyone who made eye contact with me, I figured out how to get a high school diploma from an alternative high school. And then how to sign up for loans and clas...

I need to refill my prescription, soon. I have one needle and enough testosterone cypionate for one injection remaining. I don't have health insurance, but absolutely need to make an appointment with my doctor to get a prescription and to have my hormone levels checked. There are a lot of health issues that could arise from hormone therapy that really need to be carefully monitored. According to Hudson's FTM Resource Guide : In order to monitor your health while taking testosterone, your doctor will perform a variety of tests in the laboratory-- mostly blood tests. During the first year of testosterone therapy, your doctor should perform blood tests every three or four months . This will be especially helpful in determining an appropriate T dose, as the data found in the blood tests can be used to adjust your dosage amount and/or timing if necessary. If no major problems arise in your blood work during the first year of treatment, blood tests can be taken every six month...

Exciting things are happening in Salt Lake City, Utah! Last night there was a panel specifically about employment discrimination based on gender identity and a proposed diversity bill. It received a fair amount of media coverage, like this article in the Salt Lake Tribune: After losing her job, transgender Utahn fights workplace discrimination Salt Lake City resident Candice Metzler wanted to let her work colleagues see the transition she already had begun in her personal life. Known to them as a man, Metzler wore mascara, eyeliner and white-tipped acrylic nails to a company barbecue. Read more > or this coverage from Fox 13: link no longer available It's refreshing to see that there's friendlier coverage of transgender people, even in such a conservative GOP state. The above coverage even ended with: "if you're an employer open to hiring transgender individuals" there's a link on their site to DiversityJobs.com ! Just 6 months ago the bills und...

I just ordered the Model 1700 Breast Binder from T-Kingdom . I can't really afford it, but I NEED a new binder. Apparently car-free lifestyle is brutal on poor binders. I have two currently - the Model 801 and the Model 1980 , which I got back in January . Since then and especially with the desert I'm living in warming up (i.e. unable to layer), I've learned that I generally need to use both binders; unless I'm wearing a pretty loose-fitting shirt. When I use both binders, I put the M1980 on first then the M801 over it. Binding with both royally sucks when bicycling. Sweat. Heat. Can't breathe. Itch. The second I get home I rip them off, wipe my sweat off, toss them in the wash, and throw on a t-shirt. The poor M1980 is obliterated at this point. After tucking it into my shorts a million times, a few tears formed at the base. In no time at all these tears turned into the entire left back side ripping, bit by bit. It still works, but it's all scuffed up ...

Gadz, it's been an entire week since my last post. This month has been hectic with all the unemployment/moving shenanigans afoot. Not to mention my Internet access has been unreliable and brief when I have it. I'm also due for another awkward photo documentation, which will have to wait until I find my camera battery and get that sucker recharged. Soon, soon! I have some pretty dapper whisker growth going on that I'm excited to show off in all its action-packed scattered and subtle glory. It's actually visible (gasp)! So visible that I tried.tried.tried to hold on to it for as long as I could muster but HAD to shave when I just couldn't take it anymore. I was a trooper and held out for a bit there so I could photo document - but like I said, I haven't been able to find my camera battery amongst the scatter of cardboard boxes and piles o' crap to put on freecycle/donate/free box. It's really a wonder how much one accumulates living somewhere. I re...

Be forewarned, this is a whimpery brief post, sent via a faint nearby wireless connection while a freezing cold snow storm out of nowhere rages on outside (sense the tone of gloom and doom yet?). In a nutshell, today - well, ... sucks . The biggest suck factor stemming from being told that severance would come knocking either Monday, Tuesday of this week or - at the latest - today. Unfortunately, I haven't received it yet, which I've been depending on to be able to afford hormones. My next injection is supposed to be tomorrow. Yet, I'm anxious about if I'm going to be able to or not. I also haven't received any information from COBRA about insurance, so I have no idea how much hormones will cost being uninsured. Sigh . There's more to whine and whimper about in regards to snags with receiving unemployment, a disconnected phone, moving, uneventful job or apartment hunting, and feeling pathetic all around. Which then leads to letting more get to me that I...

When I called to make an appointment with my doctor last week I was told that I could make one sooner with her "assistant" or could wait x amount of time to make one with her. I opted for the sooner appointment to make super duper sure I'd have my prescription in time for my next injection - Thursday, the 16th. I was a little anxious about the prospect of seeing someone new, but felt comfort in the fact that he's someone my main doctor chose and, so I figgered, must be trans-friendly. Not only was he above and beyond friendly, but he was also packed full of oodles of enthusiasm to learn and help. I think this feller just might be my new main doctor, if possible. I've thought a great deal about a comment that raedances posted in response to my last doctor trip : For as much as she's supposed to be the "open minded" doctor, it sounds like she's actually just created another little narrow minded box labeled "transgendered" and is...

I swear that insects seem to have a conveniently timed vendetta against me. First off, that bizarre infected potential spider bite shindig is still on my leg, getting better, bit by taking.its.sweet.time bit. Then, the other day I was peddling along under a sunshiny blue sky, when THUD! something whacked into my arm and ricocheted into my chest. Immediately my arm started to throb and sting, so I pulled over to inspect - where I discovered what appeared to be something small embedded in there that had started to irritate the skin around it. What the frakking jebus , I thought. Was I just stung by a bee, or what? , which then led to feeling that the poor bee got the short end of the stick. In less than three hours the area had sealed up, turned red, and started to swell and itch. Then after a meeting yesterday people commented that my bloated arm had distracted them and one suggested that I cake the area with mud to suck whatever is in there out, then soak a cotton ball in hydr...

Good news about insurance! There's a cheaper plan that's around $250 I can opt for, and in a couple of months it will be 30% less than that. Plus I'm receiving a small amount of severance, which will also help. But! Partially bad news about hormones. I thought I had enough left for today's injection and the next one in 2 weeks but, low and behold, today was the last of it. Every little drop now floating around in my muscle tissue. I'll call my doctor in a bit today to make an insurance-less appointment since, well, I'm in a time crunch between needing a new prescription and not receiving info from Cobra just yet. Hopefully by the time I actually have my appointment the Cobra shindig will be resolved. I have also applied for unemployment, but I haven't heard anything on that just yet. Speaking of my injection, today it was a little concerning. I slid the needle into my left thigh then sucked up a bit to make sure that I didn't hit a vein and no...

Alright, now it's hitting me a bit. There's a little nugget of dread throbbing in my stomach, ready to pOp and let out a whole can of panicky worms - but I won't let it, dag nabbit. No way, no how. The little nugget manifested around the time I finally slowed down and got home, where I was greeted by my excited little furry feline friends, Theseus and Evilbunny (I named him when I was 12. Don't judge.) and my little rat friend, Ben. I immediately felt this twinge of failure stir in my gut and creep up my throat. I'm a horrible guardian , I thought. I have a responsibility towards my companion animals who are 100% dependent on me and they entirely deserve the security I've promised them . They were entirely oblivious to my guilt and just super uber happy to see me, purring and ready for treats and cuddles. I'd spent the day with my mom. She made me lunch and beamed all happy mom-style and we went to the gym together. It was nice. My brother took me to din...

I got laid off today. Earlier today when I went stumbling into work the first thing that was said to me was, " A lot of people have been laid off today. " I could feel the aura of tension, anxiety, and sadness in the air. Numerous people were teary eyed and solemn. Then, before I even had a chance to login to my computer my work phone started ringing on my desk. The name of the H.R. person popped up on the caller ID. Ah damnit , I thought. When I answered he asked, " Hey Mel. Would you mind coming up to my office? " I immediately knew that this was the call. I've never experienced being laid off or fired before, so I couldn't at all predict how I'd react. Surprisingly, I didn't feel a wave of emotion. No fear or anxiety, or even shock. I didn't feel like it was surreal or that I was stunned, either. Just, that I'm one person out of millions that are have become unemployed in the United States. It's something I have no control o...