News came out in The Advocate today that Utah is the USA's Online Porn Capital! What a surprise!!
Over lunch today I had a conversation with a couple of my friends about our history and current state of, well, dating. See, a lot has been happening for me in terms of the libidinous effects of testosterone that essentially have me acting like a fumbly, idiotic, awkward mess around individuals who I'm attracted to, which I blog whined in great graphic depth about a bit ago. One of my friends actually referred to me as a "walking boner". It's sad how true that statement might be.
The closest I've ever felt to this was, not surprisingly, high school. I was terrified of girls and even went to the extent of thoroughly researching how to kiss on the interwebs, which entailed practicing on my hand at one point. That's not even the most brutal or embarrassing part - the bottom of the barrel is that this, as I am right now, is almost worse than that.
More awkward. More flustered. More inarticulate and the antithesis of everything smooth.
It's as though everything I've learned about how to communicate, how to show interest and flirt, how to conceal my nervousness, how to even think, all become overshadowed by oodles of frazzling brain-frying hormone.
It's obnoxious - but, on the plus side, I'm NOT actually a teenager. I have a fully myelinated prefrontal cortex as an adult in the midst of puberty #2. Which means that I have the advantage of being able to regulate the changes, to some extent. I'm learning. Adjusting.
It's amazing how much of an impact one little hormone could have on the human body, not to mention all of the other hormones in there and everything they're up to.
On another note, Kammorremae finished the VeganBattleBot Utahrdia battle armor: Oh yes, there will be Vegans...
So cute.
Utah not only led the charge with donations to pass California's gay marriage ban -- the state also leads the pack with the highest level of online pornography usage.
In fact, traditionally "red" states fill out the top three spots. Alaska is close behind, followed by Mississippi. Read more >
Over lunch today I had a conversation with a couple of my friends about our history and current state of, well, dating. See, a lot has been happening for me in terms of the libidinous effects of testosterone that essentially have me acting like a fumbly, idiotic, awkward mess around individuals who I'm attracted to, which I blog whined in great graphic depth about a bit ago. One of my friends actually referred to me as a "walking boner". It's sad how true that statement might be.The closest I've ever felt to this was, not surprisingly, high school. I was terrified of girls and even went to the extent of thoroughly researching how to kiss on the interwebs, which entailed practicing on my hand at one point. That's not even the most brutal or embarrassing part - the bottom of the barrel is that this, as I am right now, is almost worse than that.
More awkward. More flustered. More inarticulate and the antithesis of everything smooth.
It's as though everything I've learned about how to communicate, how to show interest and flirt, how to conceal my nervousness, how to even think, all become overshadowed by oodles of frazzling brain-frying hormone.
It's obnoxious - but, on the plus side, I'm NOT actually a teenager. I have a fully myelinated prefrontal cortex as an adult in the midst of puberty #2. Which means that I have the advantage of being able to regulate the changes, to some extent. I'm learning. Adjusting.
It's amazing how much of an impact one little hormone could have on the human body, not to mention all of the other hormones in there and everything they're up to.
On another note, Kammorremae finished the VeganBattleBot Utahrdia battle armor: Oh yes, there will be Vegans...
So cute.
Join the club of not being smooth. I'm essentially idiotic, on top of which I have a healthy dose of unhealthy lack of self-esteem, and this only makes me emotionally stupid. I act like a dumbass, and generally seem to think of myself as detrimental to those around me. So when someone expresses interest, I'm unable to see it, since my mind thinks, "Why would anyone like me?"
ReplyDeleteI enjoy flirting, but I don't seem to enjoy the actual act of sex. So essentially I'm left with a bunch of people mad at me for leading them on and not going all the way. Oh, if they only knew how much emotional baggage I have. Hell, it prevents me from even achieving orgasm half the time (or probably more than half the time).
Uhh... I'm rambling. This could be a blog post itself!
The most important part of flirting with (or hitting on) someone is to be calm. If you're nervous, it can make others nervous. It's more important to fall into a rythme with someone than it is to impress them or cater too them.
ReplyDeleteBoyd: That IS a post, definitely. And highly, highly irrational, by the way, which you hopefully realize. It's also beyond me how anyone could think that they've been "led on", which is their fault for forming expectations about your anticipated future behavior in the first place.
ReplyDeleteYou rock, Boyd! And stop telling yourself otherwise!
Kammorremae: This is good advice, in a world of reason that isn't hyper-impacted by hormones that are present in unprecedented amounts and have had a much more drastic impact than anticipated.
ReplyDeleteThe "nervous" thing I'd learned how to monitor to some extent already. It's this "insanely horny" thing that's another story altogether and comes with new challenges. I'm re-learning, definitely. ;]
I seem to have the precisely opposite problem - instead of my hormones rushing in to shut off my brain, my brain rushes in to squash my hormones. Huh. Too bad we can't switch brains for a day, a la "Freaky Friday" to see what the other extreme is like! I think your problem will resolve itself, though, since you've had the experience of being more in control, and like you said, you aren't actually a teenager.
ReplyDeleteThen again, you DID post a video of my boobs on YouTube, and that was well before you started on the hormones ;)
raedances: Who wouldn't post a video of your boobs on YouTube? That has NOTHING to do with hormones and EVERYTHING to do with common sense!
ReplyDelete