Surgery Obsessing (I forewarned!)

I just can’t stop obsessing about my top surgery scheduled for August 11th. I just can’t. I’m trapped in a land of fantasy and anticipation. Every time I bicycle, I imagine how wonderful it’s going to feel to do so without a binder - to feel the wind against my skin. Swooooosh. I imagine going on hikes where I can breathe and my body can evaporate the heat. I imagine rain on my chest, going swimming, being able to go to the gym, not experiencing horrible acid reflux on a daily basis … but, most importantly, especially given the inevitable and relentless “side effects” of T? Getting my self-esteem put back together again.

I know that surgery isn’t going to be a catch-all. A lot of emotional damage has come from living with such severe dysphoria for such a long ol’ time. But it’s, for sure, 87.4% closer. Which is close, if I do say so myself!

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TrannySaurus Rex: Take 2

Transtastic shirt that my friend, Nick James , made for my birthday. Thank you, Nick!

Photo Documentation: 90 Days

I figured it was about time to do another pained and unflattering photo documentation. This cursed camera my parents gave me for Christmas. So yesterday, March 10th, marked 90 Days on Testosterone Cypionate . I also did a voice check, which I'll upload and post tomorrow. 90 Days on Testosterone Cypionate, 100mg every 2 weeks ( Click on images for larger, even less flattering versions - I'd prefer if you didn't, but the option does exist. ) Stomach (hair growth + fat redistribution): Getting some hardcore belly action where my body fat is most definitely redistributing. Ho ho ho. In addition, it's getting a tad bit hairier, which is demonstrated more clearly in the belly action shot below. Ooooh yeah, there we go. Look at therm li'l hairs! Still not enough to satisfy my cute Russian female friend, but getting there. One day. Eventually. Putt putt putt. Leg (hair growth + muscle development) A bit hairier. No difference in muscle tone that I'...

Transitioning

A few months ago I finally decided that I should see a counselor. For as long as I can remember I've been entirely physiologically disconnected from how my body started to develop throughout my teens. It's a silly and super simplified analogy, but it's like I hit puberty and suddenly a third arm started to grow from my torso and two extra eye balls grew into my head - meanwhile, my brain is mapped for two arms and two eyeballs. No matter what I do mentally to adjust to that third arm or those two extra eyeballs, my brain just won't get over feeling like it's all foreign and agonizing and doesn't belong. So, back to reality and away from my silly and simplified sci-fi analogy - with my body, it's been that way for as long as I can remember. Consciously and socially, my body is awesome. But, on some subconscious level, it has always felt very foreign. Over time, this has been taking a huge toll on my self-esteem, on my ability to have intimate relationships,...

Decidedly Obscure Human Complaints.

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